Hello, ya’ll! 

Id’ve written sooner but I’ve had some minor computer troubles:

Mini-Moo's!

We have new fosters!  Two little black and white kittens, 4 week old siblings.  They were dumped at the pound by an owner who didn’t want them where of course they picked up a minor eye infection, so the pound was going to euthanize them.  There were actually two others that were brown but another foster mom took those.  Fortunately the infection was really minor and is almost cleared up already!  Yay!  They’re a little shy but warm up quickly.  Although they’re not sure they like being picked up yet, they love to be loved on.  They play and go, go, go non-stop!

I’m actually embarrassed to admit that I can’t tell if they’re boys or girls.  The pound paperwork says they’re male, but they look female.  The tinier one has really fuzzy fur and is actually the only one with the minor eye infection.  I’ve been calling him? her? Panda Bear.  The other one seems completely healthy and has softer, silkier fur and a big black spot under his/her nose.  If it’s a boy, I was going to call him Tom Selleck (or maybe just Selleck).  I thought Kitler was funny but Troy thought it was in bad taste.  If it’s a girl I could go with Frida Kahlo (a Hispanic artist who was as famous for her unibrow and mustache as her art).  Any name suggestions?  I’ve gotta find names that will help them get adopted.  Taking all suggestions!  I’ve gotten Salt and Pepper from Dad.  Or I might go with Mo and Jo (get it?  Mojo? I’m so funny.  And, they’re not gender-specific). 

Anyways . . . on to more good news!  Baby-Making Meal Plan Update:  17lbs at exactly 3 weeks!  WooHoo! 

Fortunately, there’s actually no bad news.  No escapades, no mistakes,  no embarrassing smudges on the front of my scrubs in public.  It’s been a refreshingly embarrassment-free and smoke-free week.  And my house actually smells like a house again!

However, there has been an abundance of kitty poo.  We now have a second litter of kittens squatting in hour house!  Why two litters?  Because I’m a dumbass!  Since Mom and Dad decided to keep Moo at their house, and Leif and Libby were adopted, it felt like we had a little bit of an empty nest so I let the director know we could take a kitty or two.  And voila!  The two litters appeared on the same day!  I just couldn’t say no.  Since they’re all little kittens, they should get adopted really quickly, so I don’t think they’ll be with us long.

The Austin Pets Alive Bottle Baby Trailer takes newborn kittens from the pound (the pound euthanizes all kittens that can’t eat solid food yet) and volunteers bottle feed them every few hours ’til they start eating solid food.  Then they go to foster homes to be socialized ’til they’re old enough to be fixed and ‘chipped.  The BBT volunteers were desperate to get the healthy weaned babies out so they could take in some newborns.  So now we have a litter of three bottle babies!  Since they’ve been handled since birth they’re friendly and completely fearless!  They were named already:  Hoss is the biggest one – twice and big as the other two! – and is all black;  Cami is a sweet little tortoise-shell calico; and the little gray runt of the litter, Angel, is an incredibly tiny, mouthy imp!  She’s definitely the smartest - she thinks up all kinds of trouble that the other two are only two happy to join in!  It’s endlessly amusing to set them loose and let them have the run of the house!

Hoss, Cami and Ange

 I’m really not a crazy cat lady.  Really.  I promise. 

Mom and Moo are staying with us for a few days starting Wednesday.  I’m off  on Thursday and Mom and I have a slew of doctor appointments.  Mom hasn’t been to a doctor in over a year and I’m worried that with all that’s going on with them she’s not taking care of herself.  So I set her up to see all my docs!  Thursday morning we have our yearly well-woman appointments (oh joy, yet another man up my woohoo.  Oh well, it’s not like it’s virgin territory or anything).  Then we drop off Moo and the two black and white kittens for check-ups at the APA clinic.  Next, Mom and I are both going to the dermatologist; me to ask about skin repair and anti-aging options (after a childhood spent on the beach in Asia, I need it) and Mom to have a body check for scary moles. Then it’s back to the clinic to pick up the kitties, then Mom heads to the dentist while I hide in the car.  Gaaa, I hate the dentist.

At 3pm I have an appointment at a weight loss clinic that my BFF Judy has started going to called the Texas Weight Loss Center.  They do B12 injections for energy and injections for fat liquidation called Lipoden.  I know I’m probably overdo-ing it.  I just want to get the weight off FAST so I can get back to baby making!  They also give scripts for Adipex and phentermine, but I’ve done phentermine before and it didn’t do squat.  I figure B12 can’t hurt, though.  What do ya’ll think about weight loss (and weight loss drugs) while TTC?

Friday (my regular day off), it’s mammograms for us both.  Mom’s sister died of breast cancer so we both should be getting annual boobie squashings but we’re both a few years behind.  Then Mom sees her hematologist in the afternoon (she sometimes needs iron infusions for anemia).  He’s one of our cancer docs that I used to work for before the merger.  I’ve missed working for him a lot and I’m really looking forward to catching up with everyone at my old stomping grounds!  BFF Judy works at that location, too.

So that’s my exciting week to come!  Thursday is the end of week 4 of the Baby-Making Meal Plan and I can’t wait to see how far I’ve gotten!  Come on, 20 lbs loss!

Here’s the News!

I’ve been running a mile a minute since the infamous “poop-shirt/smoke-out” day.  Ah, good times, good times. 

Libby went back to the vet a few days later and finally was fixed.   One evening I took a class at Austin Pets Alive on how to do pet adoptions (the interview and paperwork), and as I was leaving, another foster mom brought in a tiny 3 1/2 week old black and white kitten.  He and his three siblings were brought home from the pound with horrible upper respiratory infections.  His siblings were sick like Libby and Leif were, with trouble breathing and had to be fed every few hours by syringe.  This little guy could breathe and eat just fine, but the infection had settled in his eyes.  They were swollen the size of marbles in his tiny head and he couldn’t open them.  The vet suspected that he would be blind.  The foster mom couldn’t keep up with him with the needs of the other two, so she was hoping that someone else could take him.  Argh, I’m a softie.  So now we have Moo, the blind kitten.  Moo is short for Mooby, a fictional cartoon character in various Kevin Smith movies, but whenever I called him it sounded too much like I was calling “Booby!” so I shortened it to Moo.

Little Moo

Happy Little Guy

 One sweet perk of the company merger last year is now we all have a “Floating Holiday” – a paid day we can take off anytime (as long as it’s pre-approved, of course).  Last Thurday I took my floating holiday, so Wednesday night I headed up to Gatesville where my folks are still unpacking at their new house.  Mom and I hung pictures, mirrors, and curtains, unpacked boxes and shopped.  I got over half of my Christmas shopping done, yay me! 

Since Troy was still working full time, I brought Moo with me to the folks’ house.  Within an hour he was king of the household.  By the time I left, he could open his eyes!  He has a white film across the middle of his eyes, but he can see quite a bit.  The inner lining of his eyes are still swollen and red, but nothing like before.  He’s been through a full round of antibiotics so far, but since he’s still very infectious, Dad decided he needed to stay with them ’til he’s not infectious any more.  Dad re-named him Socks.  I’m hoping Mom will let Dad keep him.  Mom is iffy, but Dad and “Socks” are super tight!

Spoiled kitty

pooped out from playing with Grandad

 

Friday evening I rushed back into town to go to work.  Made a mistake at work .  Have to go in today after work at my regular job to take my punishment.  It sucks, it was carelessness on my part (didn’t affect patient care, it was about instrument care and maintenance).  I feel really bad.  There’s been talk of lay-offs and I really should’ve been more careful.  I wish this evening was over already so I could know what they have planned for me.  *sigh* <edit: got through the meeting with a reprimand and some good advice for making a better decision next time.  Sucked, but I’m glad it’s over and wasn’t more severe.>

Saturday morning I couldn’t sleep, just worrying over the mistake.  Around noon I got up to take Leif and Libby to big Halloween pet adoption event APA was holding at a PetSmart near our house.  I hope they do more events there!  By the time I got there, there was actually a potential adopter who had seen Leif’s profile on the APA website and she was waiting to meet him!  Once she and her fiancee saw Leif and Libby together, they just couldn’t leave with only one!  She adopted both together!  WooHoo!  I couldn’t have dreamed of a sweeter outcome.  We miss them so much, but I’m so proud of all we did to get them to their forever home!

While we were there, I saw our first two fosters, Padme and Ewok.  They’re still struggling to find a home – they’re both so shy and just haven’t been able to shake that.  I hope they can find a really quiet home.  Ewok is still little so I think she would do great with other pets but no kids.  Padme is so quiet, I think she’d do best in a quiet home, maybe with a single person or a retired couple with no other pets.  She doesn’t mind other pets, but she won’t fight for attention, so she’d get more if she was the only one.  They are a lot more sociable since they first came home with us, but I can’t help but feel a little sad that they still haven’t found their forever homes.  <edit to add:  tonight when I went through my emails, I saw that Padme was adopted after we left!  I’ve written the lead at the adoption event to ask about her adopter.  I’m so happy! >

Worked again Saturday night, and crashed out all day Sunday.  Hubby went to my folks for a few hours to set up all of their electronics – home phones, cells, TV and computers.  He fished on the way home and had a great time.  BFF Judy came by around 3, just as I was getting up, and we had a great evening.  She cooked pork chops, omg they were amazing.

Baby-Making Meal Plan update:  I’m now in the middle of week three.  I’m up to 3 metformin pills a day – two at bedtime and one in the morning.  I’m finally feeling some energy come back!  I swear last week I could’ve laid down on the cold, dirty tile at work and been asleep in 5 seconds flat.  Feels good to have some oomph again!  Week 1 loss:  7.4 lbs.  Week 2 loss:  4 lbs.  Loss so far this week:  2 lbs  (the end of week 3 will be Thursday).  Total loss so far:  13.4 lbs.  A good total so far, I know, but not near as much as I’d like to see!

On the TTC front:  AF finally came last week, right at about 6 weeks post-BFN.  It was short and light, just spotting for about 4 days.  I called the IVF nurse at the Texas Fertility Center, and we talked a little about what the plan would be.  In the evening Troy and I talked over whether or not we should sit out a cycle or push on.  Troy felt really strongly that we needed at least one more cycle before starting IVF.  I think he’s right.  The last failure was a hard one.  And I’m just starting to make progress on the BMMP.  Also, it’ll give us the extra funds for C-mas.

It was really hard to call the RN back and tell her we’ve decided to sit out a cycle, but it felt right.  We actually may have to sit out two cycles, as the center is closed for the last two weeks of December.  It just depends on the timing – as long as egg retrieval and embryo transfer don’t fall on those two weeks, we’ll proceed next AF.  Otherwise, it’ll be the first AF of January.

Either way, it’ll be ok.  The pros to waiting are that we’ll have more $$ saved and I’ll have more weight off.  For now, I’m sticking with the pro’s.  

Love to you all!  I’m catching up on blogs tonight!

Wanna Smoke?

After I posted the cat poo story yesterday I headed for the vet to pick up Libby.  Turns out, the vet had decided she could still hear a bit of a wheeze deep in Libby’s chest so she wanted to postpone having her fixed for a few days.  So poo shirt was all for nothing!!

On the way home I realized that we had actually finished up the housecleaning yesterday – the laundry was done, dishes are done, we had dusted and vacuumed and mopped – all I needed to do was feed the zoo, then I could … wow, what would I do with all that free time?  Maybe a long hot bath.  Troy doesn’t get home ’til about 2 hours after I do.  I could actually watch whatever I wanted on TV!  I could be Ruler of the Remote!  Oh, bliss!

It’s finally getting cool down here in Texas in the evenings.  Last week we actually had a little fire in the fireplace, which I loved.  So warm and cozy!  I thought I’d start a fire, then go feed the animals and take a bath.  I could have dinner ready for Troy when he got home and we could eat in the living room next to our cozy, romantic fire.

I’ve just eased into the most awesome bubble bath ever when EEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the fire alarm goes off.  I’m not especially alarmed – our fire alarm is super-sensitive.  It even goes off when we make toast.  I figure there’s a little smoke from the fireplace that’s upsetting the delicate flower. 

So I open the bedroom door - to CLOUDS of thick white smoke just pouring into the room!  The fire was still in the fireplace, but all of the smoke was coming into the house!  I round up all the animals in a bedroom down the hallway (no small feat as we have 3 cats, 2 dogs and 3 foster cats).  Then I threw open all of the doors and windows and turned on all the fans, but the smoke just kept pouring into the house.

I broke down and called Troy, “Where are you?  Why aren’t you home yet?”  Turned out, he’d decided to wander through Academy on the way home.  “I need you at home NOW!!!”  He must’ve flown ’cause 5 minutes later he’s standing in the doorway, mouth agape.  He figured he must’ve closed the damper after we had a fire last week, but now we can’t open it ’cause there’s already a fire in there. ” The what?  What the hell’s a damper?”

He decides the only way to stop the smoke is to put out the fire, so he throws a bucket of water on it – which produces more smoke so thick, we have to go stand outside for a while.  It’s just at this highlight-of-my-day moment that one of our dear friends decides to stop by to pick up some tupperware she left after a party we had THREE MONTHS AGO.  Her husband and my brother are best friends.  I’m never, never, never, never, never going to live this down.  This story will live on forever.  In my defense, she didn’t know what a damper was, either.

Troy finally gets the bright idea to put out the fire with a fire extinguisher, which mercifully works.  At long last, the smoke starts to clear.  We were able to shovel out all the embers and ash, which helped.  It seemed it was finally all over, except for a deeply embedded woodsmoke smell. 

I grabbed my glass of iced tea and took a deep swig.  Ugh, it was weird tasting.  I peered down into the glass and noticed a fine white film coating the top of the liquid.  What is this?  I lift my hand and see a perfect hand print on the table top.  What the hell? 

Did you know, my friends, that when you use a fire extinguisher, to put out a fire, it’s actually a fine white powder that ERUPTS EVERYWHERE?  Oh yes, our entire living room and kitchen were coated in a thick layer of white.  With a sigh, the dusting, sweeping, mopping and cleaning started anew.  We didn’t get to bed ’til after midnight.

Today I went to lunch with a few friends.  We were sitting at a table in the lunch room when one of them suddenly asked, “You know, it kind of smells like a campfire in here.”  “Really?  Hmmm, I don’t smell it,” I replied, surrpetitiously spraying perfume on my lunch box under the table.  I’m sure they never guessed it was me….right?

It’s a Neon Yellow Kind of Day

As proof that the brain does drop several IQ points on any given Monday, I offer the following chain of emails sent to my BFF Judy this Monday (all on company time, of course).

From: Harlan, Stacey A
Sent: Monday, October 26, 2009 10:45 AM
To:  Judy
Subject: My Life

Mom came into town this weekend to see Cayle’s <my nephew> last baseball game.  Since it’s been raining so hard, she decided to stay the night with us, which was great ’cause I just happened to have volunteered to bring cupcakes to an Austin Pet Alive volunteer meeting tonight.  The cupcakes turned out awesome!  I’d send you one but it’d just get stolen in the inter-office mail (meh). I’m proud to report that with the exception of one small bite (to taste the cupcakes, I never made this recipe before), I’ve been solid on the Baby Making Meal Plan since last Thursday!  I’ve lost 8lbs even.  Yay me!  I rock!

 I stayed up way too late visiting.  So of course I had a hard time getting up and mobile this morning.  I’m working at the main office today, which is always stressful for me, so I decided to wear my blinding neon yellow scrubs and my most awesome neon yellow and lime green tie-dyed tennies to remind me to stay cheerful all day.

On the way to work I had to drop off one of the foster kitties, Libby, at the vet this morning to be fixed.  It was pouring rain again which <in Austin> of course = endless gridlock.  The kitty decided she was terrified of the car.  She hollered the whole way, and 10 minutes into the drive, she pooped in her kennel.  OMG it smelled so bad, but it was pouring rain!  I couldn’t take it and had to roll the windows down partway, so now my hair is a sticky mess, and the left side of me is really cold and damp.

 While we were at a complete standstill I had the brilliant idea to roll up the towel at the bottom of the kennel so she wouldn’t accidentally step in the poo. So I open the top of the kennel and lift her out while I reached in to roll up the towel.  Of course, she had already stepped into the poo.  Which is now smeared all over my steering wheel and up my arm.  I dropped her back in the kennel (minus the poopy towel) and frantically grab for some wet wipes I keep in the back seat.  I snag ‘em, flip ‘em open and start pulling them out by the handful – only to discover they are completely dry. 

 OMG, it was the longest morning commute of my life.  I dropped her off at the vet as fast as I could, and washed my arm and took a few damp paper towels to clean up my steering wheel.  I ended up being 30 minutes late to work (but everyone was ’cause of the rain).  As I’m driving from the vet to work I can still smell the poo in the car, even though the windows are down.  I don’t think I’ll get that smell out of my nose all day. 

I fianlly come rushing into the lab all out of breath when my boss said, “Slow down!  Take a deep breath, everything’s ok.  Now, what is that on the front of your scrubs?” 

 Oh yes, you guessed it.  All across my neon yellow belly are perfect little kitty paw prints – in poo. **

From:  Judy 
Sent: Monday, October 26, 2009 11:00 AM
To: Harlan, Stacey A
Subject: RE: my life

Oh wow. What a morning mama!! I’m sorry. that’s a ‘crappy’ way to start the day. Get it? CRAPpy! J

From: Harlan, Stacey A
Sent: Monday, October 26, 2009 11:09 AM
To:  Judy
Subject: RE: my life

 ha ha

 you SO funny

From: Judy 
Sent: Monday, October 26, 2009 11:36 AM
To: Harlan, Stacey A
Subject: RE: my life

Ok. so it finally slowed down….. so I’ve been busy w/ryan <Judy’s college-age son> lately and his new adventures. He has been feverishly looking for the ‘perfect’ school to go to. he’s already put several applications to different universities. He asked if he moved, would I go w/him. HECK YA!!!

From: Harlan, Stacey A
Sent: Monday, October 26, 2009 11:40 AM
To: Judy
Subject: RE: my life

 And, Um, what about me????   <because of course all of her major life decisions should revolve around me!!>

From: Judy
Sent: Monday, October 26, 2009 11:44 AM
To: Harlan, Stacey A
Subject: RE: my life

and um, you have a life! I need a change. I’ve been wanting a change for a while. Depends on where he goes. I can go pretty much anywhere w/US Oncology. We’ll just have to see……….

From: Harlan, Stacey A
Sent: Monday, October 26, 2009 11:45 AM
To: Hall, Judy L
Subject: RE: my life

 well, I don’t want you to be unhappy

but I don’t want you to leave me!

From: Judy 
Sent: Monday, October 26, 2009 11:53 AM
To: Harlan, Stacey A
Subject: RE: my life

Idk. Maybe I’m getting old and grumpy. Everybody’s got their own lives now. All the kids are grown and moving on. all my friends are grown and got their own stuff going on. I can’t always be tagging everywhere even though everyone let’s me. I don’t even know the whole reason why?? midlife crisis?? Hormones??

From: Harlan, Stacey A
Sent: Monday, October 26, 2009 12:00 PM
To: Judy
Subject: RE: my life

 <I try to give some advice, although for completely selfish reasons, and we both know I have no idea what I’m talking about>

Maybe try changing jobs?  You’re doing all the right things, you’ve taken care of yourself physically and you’re getting out there and socializing.

  And just to say this – I’m never “letting” you “tag along.”  I want spend time with  you.  You my BFF!  My HoMance!

 At least you’re not wearing cat poo on your shirt at work.

From: Judy
Sent: Monday, October 26, 2009 12:18 PM
To: Harlan, Stacey A
Subject: RE: my life

No, it’s more than that. I can’t expect you to be at my beckon call. Oh wait, I can. I’m JUDY!! J

Going to eat my crappy lunch. oops. Crappy. Crappy shirt. J

From: Harlan, Stacey A
Sent: Monday, October 26, 2009 12:25 PM
To: Judy
Subject: RE: my life

 ha ha

 Me and my poo shirt are going to lunch too!

From:  Judy
Sent: Monday, October 26, 2009 1:45 PM
To: Harlan, Stacey A
Subject: RE: my life

Bag o tuna, crackers and sugar free pudding. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm I’m stuffed.

From: Harlan, Stacey A
Sent: Monday, October 26, 2009 1:48 PM
To:Judy
Subject: RE: my life

 doesn’t get any better!  except for my most awesome super-duper protein shake!

From: Judy
Sent: Monday, October 26, 2009 1:48 PM
To: Harlan, Stacey A
Subject: RE: my life

beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

From: Harlan, Stacey A
Sent: Monday, October 26, 2009 1:48 PM
To: Judy
Subject: RE: my life

 oooooooooootttttttttttttt

From: Judy
Sent: Monday, October 26, 2009 1:50 PM
To: Harlan, Stacey A
Subject: RE: my life

cccccccccchhhhhhhh <for some inexplicable reason we occasionally lapse into random name-calling. usually as it gets to the end of the day and there are less functioning brain cells to work from>

Ooooo did I tell you they want to send me to see and acupuncturist? Is that a word? I guess so. I’ve never tried that before. Have you?

From: Harlan, Stacey A
Sent: Monday, October 26, 2009 1:55 PM
To: Judy
Subject: RE: my life

 I did.  They say it doesn’t hurt, but they lie.  Beware the LIE!!!  The acupuncturist said it only hurt me because my Chi was sluggish.  My Chi may be sluggish, but it was about to get up and beat up her Chi if she di-ent stop hurting me!  (Of course, it couldn’t have been due to the fact that she was sticking needles through my skin.  Surely not that.)

From: Judy
Sent: Monday, October 26, 2009 2:01 PM
To: Harlan, Stacey A
Subject: RE: my life

u a weenie. J

From: Harlan, Stacey A
Sent: Monday, October 26, 2009 2:06 PM
To: Judy
Subject: RE: my life

Slore*

<*Slut/Whore contraction made famous by the infamous Kardashian sisters.  I hate that show, but Troy and Judy are addicted.  It’s not my fault.  Bible!>

So, my BFF is plotting to leave me and I had to wear a scrub shirt with cat poo paw prints on it all day! Why did I have to choose “look-at-me-neon-yellow” today?  Waaaaa!!!

**I know you’re wondering, so I’ll admit it, I just flat out lied.  I told my boss it was mud from putting the dog back in his kennel this morning.  And then I slathered myself in Honeysuckle lotion and wore a lab coat all day.  I’m certain I fooled them all!…**

Girls Gone Wild! With Swords!

Whaddaya get when you mix two BFF’s, two lesbians, a whole lotta rum, bags of junk food and 1 room cabin on the beach? Girls gone wild, I’m tellin’ ya! Our weekend at the beach was soooo super wonderful. It drizzled off and on all weekend and it turned blizzard cold (got down in the 60’s, ya’ll!) but I couldn’t have been happier! I’m always so happy at the beach. The sand, the sound of the ocean, the laid-back vibe, the smells, I adore it all. I love Austin, but there’s nothin’ like the beach.

off the balcony

 

me & BFF Judy

 

 

I’m so glad my girl friend Judy, her cousin Marisol and Mari’s partner Meagan were able to come with us to Port Aransas. Poor Troy was completely outnumbered. I wish his fishing buddy could’ve come, but Troy still managed to get in tons of fishing. Us girls managed to get in a LOT of mai tai’s, calories and hot tubbing! We had a great balcony where we camped out most of the day, just people- and ocean-watching. Played lots of games, and learned a fun new one called Apples to Apples that just cracked us up (could’ve been the mai tai’s). We made s’mores and a bonfire on the beach.  I even smoked a few cigarettes, which I haven’t done in years and made me totally loopy and light-headed (I was always just a social smoker anyways). It felt good to get all the crazy out, to find my center again.

Mari (curly hair) and Meagan (blonde)

"Our" husband

Before we left for the beach, I got the best package in the mail – ever!  Check out these super-awesome bright and cheerful toe socks from my girl friend Christy at Almost a Mother!  They’re so cool, I just absolutely love ‘em!  You can’t help but feel cheery when wearing these babies!  I wanted to take a pic wearing the socks, so I made Troy stick out his feet while he was distracted playing World of Warcraft on the computer.  Then I put on more socks, sat next to him and took the pic.  The flash distracted him and he looked down and yelled, “WTF, why the hell am I wearing gay socks?!?”  You can see his toes aren’t in the toe parts ’cause two of his toes are webbed.  One of those awesome genetic quirks I’m hoping we DON’T have to pass on to our progeny.  I’m so sorry in advance, my spawn. Thank you so, so much, Christy!  They lifted my spirits and just made me smile!  You’re awesome!

Awesome Happy Socks!

 

so bright and cheerful!

 

 

Judy’s son, Ryan, did a great job keepin’ up with our menagerie while we were away, plus their pug, Nikki. The little girl foster kitty, Libby, still has her cold, which has turned into a lower respiratory infection. Took her back to the vet on Monday and got some new, stronger antibiotics. She’s not as sick as she was at first, she’s still eating just fine and is getting friskier.  Leif is 100% well and goes in to be fixed tomorrow. After he’s healed we’ll see if he meshes with our zoo. Our girls can be pretty mean, and I want him to be adored and happy, not miserable and picked on.

You might not wanna go in there for, oh, 15 minutes...I couldn't find any matches...

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful!

I worked at a different office today than I usually work at, one that I really enjoy visiting whenever I get assigned there.  There’s a nurse there, Micci, who is around my age and had her first baby a year and a half ago after several IUI’s.  Since he was six months old she’s been trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant with her second.  We use the same fertility center but different docs.  Usually Micci is all business, not interested in personal stuff at work, and I respect that.  But today as I passed by her office, she called out my name and asked me how things were going.  I told her about my latest failure, how sure I was we were going to have our BFP – with multiples, no less – how hard it was for me when my cycle came 5 days early, and how dissapointed I was to learn that progesterone supplements would’ve been the missing piece that would’ve brought it all together. 

That’s when Micci said, “Yeah, it’s those little details that we feel inside are the right choice for us, but we’re not sure enough of ourselves to fight for, that we really regret afterwards.”  And she went on to tell me how she fought for progesterone supplements every time, too.  I hadn’t even told her how angry I was at myself for not fighting for the supplements, but she knew.  We talked about where she was in the process.  And it was really good, almost healing in some way.  Having that connection with someone I never expected it from – in real life – it was just what I didn’t even know I needed.

So now that the vacation is over, I feel like I’ve got all the self-destructive crazy purged out of me.  I never wanna see another cigarette, bowl of popcorn, anything fried or another mai tai for at least a year.  I’m hard-core 100% on a diet.  Although I’m not calling it a diet – this is my Baby Making Meal Plan (BMMP).  I’m doing the MediFast plan, which I’ve done before.  It’s mostly a soy based program, so I got the ingredient listings of all their products, and I’m choosing to eat the ones with little or no soy.  I’m feeling the yearning again, a spark of hope, and I’ve just barely started to daydream about babies and pregnant bellies.  I wanna feel healthy, and I WANT back on the baby-making wagon.  I still haven’t had a period since the big BFN, but I don’t know how long ago that was now.  My cycle are almost 6 weeks long.  I’ll take one more cycle off after this one for weight loss purposes, then it’s IVF, here we come!

So this evening I’m messin’ around in the kitchen, getting dinner ready, when Troy comes busting into the house in a panic gasping – “come quick, Stacey, right now! There’s a SNAKE IN THE GARAGE!” Now I should preface this by saying that my sweet, loving husband suffers from a few phobias. He’s a raging hypochondriac for one, and while he’s got a soft spot for anything warm and fuzzy, all things even vaguely reptilian are NOT his friends. Of course my nephews adore frogs and geckos, and just can’t wait to share their latest catches with Uncle Troy, much to my husband’s horror and mine and my mom’s amusement. So a snake in the garage – that just about as bad as it gets for my lovah.

So we head out to the garage, spot the snake, manage to irritate it in an unsuccessful attempt to blow it out of the garage with a leaf blower (we can’t find a broom), lose it again, and finally find it sneaking out the back of the extra fridge, about half way up the wall (yes, we have an extra fridge in the garage. I embrace my trailer chic roots, thank you very much.) “Quick, hand me something long!” I yell to Troy, who is cowering behind me. I have visions of sticking a broom handle back there, having the snake coil around it, then flinging the snake down the driveway so both the snake and we can breathe a sigh of relief and be done with each other. “Ok! Here!” he yells, thrusting a sword at me. Oh yes, you read it right, a sword. A huge-ass, heavy as hell broadsword. Why do we have a broadsword? Because the geeks in us just couldn’t stay away from the renaissance festival last year, and whaddaya know, they had a huge sale on medieval weapons the last day.  At least he didn’t hand me the studded mace.

So I try to gently ease the sword down the tiny space between the wall and the fridge while my husband dances back and forth behind me. I’m trying to ease the sword through a wide loop of the snake when *crunch* OMG I JUST STABBED THE SNAKE! Gaa!! It crunched! and then began twirling around the sword, which was stuck in the wall. I felt so bad! I just meant to throw it out of the garage! If I’d actually been aiming for the thing, I’d never have hit it!  Of course now I’m terrified of letting go, cause if it wasn’t pissed off enough by the leaf blower, now it really was going to have my number. I yelled to Troy, “Get something else long! Get something else!” so he hands me A PITCHFORK!! Gaa! Are you kidding me? Why do we even have a pitchfork?  Do we not own a frickin’ broom? So Troy, finally finding his balls, grabs the handle of the sword and the pitchfork and yells, “Get my iPhone!  We have to take a pic to find out if it’s poisonous!”  So I’m frantically searching for the phone when a giant dust bunny rolls out from under the fridge and over Troy’s toe.  Troy lets out the girliest scream I’ve ever heard come out of – well, out anyone I’ve every known - drops the sword and the pitchfork, and runs for the laundry room.  The snake completely vanishes, apparently along with Troy’s manhood.

Two hours later we’ve gingerly moved everything in the garage, and after a lot of trembling, jumping and sweating, we’ve even moved the fridge and checked under and behind it, but the snake is gone.  So now we get to live in fear that it’s out there, waiting for us.  Personally, I plan to never go out there again.  It’s going to be up to Troy to get the Christmas tree.  Maybe we’ll just keep out the pumpkins for Christmas.  Pumpkins are festive, right?

After that we were tired, jumpy, sweaty and dirty, and we’d both lost our appetites.  Me, cause I felt bad about stabbing the snake, and Troy, ’cause apparently prolonged terror is a great appetite suppressant.  So we tried to relax and catch the latest episode of The Mentalist, which helped.  We described the snake to my mom and brother, and they both think it was a garden snake, and that it probably got out of the garage and will die somewhere.  Ugh, I hope it doesn’t die somewhere deep in the inner workings of my fridge.  Mom made me promise that next time I’d wait ’til it was dead before trying to take a pic of it.  Personally, I’m hoping I don’t come across any more snakes in my lifetime.

And, just to punish me for laughing at Troy and his killer dust bunny, while I was talking to my brother on the phone my kitty Poppy snuck up behind me and tickled the back of my arm with her whiskers, prompting my own girly scream.  Which my brother proceeded to mock for the rest of the phone call.  That was some damn fast-acting karma.

Random Musings from a Sloopy Mind

It’s funny how I never fantasize about being pregnant or having a baby anymore.  It’s probably a side-effect of the hope muscle sprain.  Up ’til we decided to start trying, I never really thought about having kids.  I was so happy just to be married, I figured we had all we needed.  The baby hopes and fantasies didn’t really kick in ’til we started seeing the RE, then they went into overdrive!  I thought about it all the time.  Couldn’t stop browsing the net for all things pregnancy and baby.  Always had a list of baby names running through my head.  Was constantly plotting how to oust Troy from his man-cave so we could have a spare room for the Grandmas to stay in once the grandbabies came.

Now, whenever the stray baby/pregnancy thought pops into my head, my mind just seems to do this little “sloop” right around the thought – like a kid going down a slide who suddenly hits a greasy spot and shoots forward just a little bit.  Like on the way to work this morning, I’m musing over a grocery list, “get carrots, an onion, don’t forget cat litter” when I hear the name Grace on the radio and it pops into my head Grace would be a really sweet middle name for a girl *SLOOP* ”Ruffles, ranch dip, oh yeah – definitely need Gas-X for Troy”…*sigh*. 

Things are getting better, though.  After the BFN, I felt so down, and I just kept dragging around.  Even when I’m sad, I usually bounce back pretty quickly, but the low energy just kept hangin’ around.  Finally last Wednesday I was hit with migraine after migraine, so I called in to work and went to the doc.  Turns out, I had been walking around with a raging case of strep throat for a week and a half!  I never would’ve known if I hadn’t gone in for the migraines (which were triggered by the strep).

Now that I’ve been on antibiotics for almost a week, I’m feelin’ almost back to my old self, physically speaking.  I’m pretty much back to my usual happy, cheery self, too, with the exception of the inability to day-dream about babies and pregnant bellies.  I’m still determined to get a little weight off before we go for IVF, but I can tell I’m really going to be ready to get back on the TTC wagon soon.

We’re heading to the beach this weekend!  I’m sooooo excited.  I grew up on the beach, and I MISS IT.  It’s the only thing Austin is lacking.  We have a great lake, but a lake is just not the same.  Although a beach on the gulf is nothing like the amazing Asian beaches I grew up on, it’ll do!  Port Aransas has that great, laid-back beach town vibe I miss.  I don’t care if it rains all weekend, I can’t wait to get there!

My girl friend Judy is coming with us, along with her cousin Marisol and Marisol’s girlfriend, Meagan.  Two of Troy’s friends, Josh and Doug, were supposed to come but I think they’ve both had to drop out.  Josh just went to the Austin City Limits music festival and can’t get another weekend off, and Doug has been grounded by his girlfriend (who was also invited but she has to work next weekend).  So Troy will be out-numbered, but I’m sure he’ll manage to stay entertained! 

The rescue kitties are doing great!  The little boy is completely well.  They’re both eating on their own, using the cat box, keeping themselves groomed and don’t have any congestion anymore.  But the little girl still has one runny eye that tears all the time.  I’m going to try to get her back to the vet before we leave this weekend.  Hopefully next week they can be fixed, then it’s time to find the girl her forever home!  Troy has fallen in love with the boy, so we’re going to adopt him.

Judy’s 19-yr-old college student son, Ryan, is going to stay at our house over the weekend to take care of the zoo.  At first his best friend Macky was going to stay with him and they were going to watch games all weekend.  Now, Judy and I have just been informed that Ryan has a new 25-year-old girlfriend – his boss!  I’m thinking maybe I should put a plastic sheet on the bed under the sheets.  Then burn the sheets when we get back.  How did we go from two guys just hangin’ at the house for the weekend to possible orgy party?  I’m disturbed.  If only my mind would *sloop* around that mental picture.  Ugh.

I Sprained My Hope Muscle

I was driving past the Texas Fertility Center yesterday, and I realized that I’d actually gone 3 weeks in a row without setting a foot in there.  My cycles are long, around 6 weeks, so I figure it’ll be another month before I start another cycle.  Now that all our insurance hurdles are out of the way, we could be starting IVF in just a month.

Usually when that inevitable BFN rolls around, the one thing that helps ease the disappointment and keep me rolling is the excitement of starting the next cycle.  It’s not a loss, it’s a learning experience - so the next round will be “the one,” right?  But instead of feeling the old excitement at starting a whole new plan of action, I was surprised to feel an ache in my heart.

I just knew the last IUI was going to be a success.  I could feel it, I believed it, I had no doubt.  And I was crushed by that last BFN like I’ve never been before.  It was a hard hit.  I think I just believed and hoped so hard, I wore out that ol’ “hope muscle.”  That ache I felt when I looked at the Texas Fertility Center felt just like my thighs after a round of squats at the gym (now that’s a old memory…my thighs haven’t squatted in a gym since we started this whole IF business).  I’ve just temporarily worn the poor thing out.

So, we’re taking a very short mental, physical and emotional health break.  Just one cycle, two at the most.  That should get us through the holidays.  I’ve put on almost 40 lbs in the past year, and I was a big girl to begin with.  But in the past week I’ve already dropped 4lbs, and it feels good.  This short break will give me a chance to get in a little better shape – both my booty and my hope.  I got lost in the trees (and the trees beat me up a bit), and now I need to remember how to soar over the forest again.

Troy and three of his co-workers are taking a class in November that will help them strengthen their skills and move ahead at work.  We have to pay for the class and books up front, but Time Warner will reimburse us everything once Troy passes the class.  I really want him to be able to take the class at the same time his co-workers do so they can all help each other.  Delaying the IVF for a couple of cycles will allow us financially to pay for the class.

So this is just temporary!  We are not out of the game yet!

Here are a few pics of Troy feeding the little foster kitties.  We wrap them in towels to help them stay still and concentrate on eating.  Otherwise they get distracted really easily.

the happy little boy, he's always purring

 

her little eyes water all the time like she's crying. hopefully she'll feel better soon!

 

queen of the kitty bed

 

Chasing the laser pointer dot

Excuse Me, There’s a Sperm on My Plate

My kitty Lila just loves, loves, loves anything stuffed and fuzzy.  She’s a tiny little girl, but she’ll carry a teddy bear twice her size from one end of the house to the other.  I’ve been saving a few select childhood stuffed toys in case we do ever have a nursery (I say that, but I really keep them for sentimental value, don’t tell).  Lila will ferret them out of whatever cabinet or closet I try to hide them in.  She should be a blood hound.

Even fuzzy house slippers will do.   I’ll find ‘em in the bed when we crawl under the covers at night.  My mother-in-law crochets these awesome flip flops with fuzzy beaded yarn.  Lila just can’t resist ‘em – she’s always carrying mine into the living room, where Dude inevitably finds and consumes them.  (He must’ve consumed enough flip-flops to shoe all the spring-breakers in South Padre by now, but I digress.)  I finally bought tiny little baby flip-flops and MIL crocheted them with the fuzziest yarn she could find just for Lila.  They were a hit.  Grandparents know their fur-babies!

Sunday night a few friends of ours who are fellow avid True Blood fans came by for dinner and to watch the season finale with us.  We DVR’d it while they were on their honeymoon.   I set out a stack of plates and silverware, so as soon as dinner was ready everyone could serve themselves.  We all ended up standing in the kitchen visiting and helping prepare dinner. 

As soon as the food was ready, everyone went to grab a plate – and suddenly just cracked up!  I hurried over to find – perched on top of the stack of plates, lovingly deposited by Lila - was my lucky fuzzy stuffed sperm.

Please pass the sperm

Starting to Breathe

So here’s what happened…

Last Friday my in-laws came to stay with us for the weekend.  My father-in-law, Jim, is one of those people who can never sit still.  He’s always thinking, always busy with one project, or three.  Since he gets antsy pretty quickly, we always keep a list of projects we’d like to do.  Then whenever they come to town for the weekend, Jim always teaches Troy something new, from car care to electrical work to carpentry projects.

They started by installing a new stereo in my old Ford, my anniversary present.  My old radio had been on the fritz for a while, and besides, it didn’t have an iPod jack.  I love it!

Next, they made me a large kennel out of PVC pipe and chicken wire for my foster kitties.  We probably could’ve bought one for what we paid for materials, but it was money well spent – if only for keepin’ Troy and Jim entertained!  When the foster kitties first come home, they can (and often do) have an upper respiratory infection, so we need to keep them contained for at least a week before letting them mix in with the regular zoo. 

We tried keeping the foster kitties in the spare room at first, but they’d hide under the bed and it was always traumatic for them whenever we had to drag them out.  So we moved them to the guest bathroom, but it quickly became difficult to keep the room clean, and the kitties still kept hiding – only now behind the toilet.  With our place being a rather popular hotel stop on the weekends for friends and family, it was inconvenient to have the master bathroom be the only one available for use.  The new kennel is huge and has lots of room, but it’s light and easy to move from room to room.  We can keep it in the guest room when we don’t have company, and move it to ours when we do.  Check out this awesome creation:

my new foster kitty kennel

 

Saturday morning I took Padme and Ewok to our first pet adoption event.  Although they weren’t adopted on Saturday, I really enjoyed meeting the other foster parents and introducing prospective adopters to the various kitties.  The lead adoption counselor advised that we put Padme and Ewok in the cattery at PetSmart.  There are two PetSmarts in Austin that have catteries where adopters can meet and play with kitties.  We really miss having them around, but it’s good for shy kitties like our two to have the exposure to lots of potential adopters, and to have other kitties to socialize with.  Cats at the cattery are usually adopted within 3 weeks, but if not, they’ll go to whichever foster family has a opening and stay ’til they do get adopted. 

When I got home, I found that Troy and Jim had tackled another of our projects, a wobbly coffee table leg.  Turns out that Jim knew just how to fix it, but he needed to use his drill press back at home, so he decided to take the leg home with him.  So I came home to this:

Does it get any more "Trailer Chic?"

 

Oh yes, people, it’s a car jack.  You can see the corners of the table that Dude ate while he was teething puppy.  My kitty Lila just loves to carry anything stuffed or fuzzy around the house.  She’s especially fond of my fuzzy flip-flops, much to the amusement of my mother-in-law, Marilyn.  So she crocheted a little bitty flip-flop just for Lila, which is on the table.  You just can’t get style like this at your local Ethan Allen!

When we went to bed Friday night, I found a couple of brown-red spots in my undies, and I just knew it was implantation bleeding.  I was at 10 days post IUI.  I knew it without a doubt!  We had prayed for it, we believed it, we knew it was our time…until I woke up in the morning to crushing cramps and overflowing flow.  Coincidentally, Troy had a nosebleed during the night.  It’s happened a few times since his sinus surgery.  It was quite the dramatic, gory scene to wake up to.  At 11 days post IUI, it was all over.  With flow coming so early, it was like my body wasn’t just saying “No;” it was saying “hell to the fuckin’ N-O, did you actually think you could be pregnant?!?”  I was so shocked, so crushed I couldn’t even cry.  No word from United, no idea if we still had any other options after.  We could pay for IUI’s on our own a few times a year, but it’s hard to see the positive when hope has been crushed.  I should’ve known the spotting wasn’t implantation bleeding – it’s usually pink to red, not brown.

Of course, Troy told his mom.  She was sweet, supportive.  We talked about it only briefly, and she offered up the usual, “Just relax and it will happen.”  I didn’t take offense and wasn’t bothered by the comment, she meant the best and she loves us.  But as the day wore on, it got harder and harder to keep it together.  After they left, I slept, then wept, the slept, over and over, all night long.

I work in cancer care, and it’s especially important that our attitude at work be positive.  There’s no room for any personal issues.  Our patients are facing their own mortality, and there’s nothing from home that compares to that.  They need all the positivity they can get, and it’s up to us to provide it.  But I don’t even remember Monday.  The campy poem fell out of my head at some point, all in about 10 minutes, but that’s all thinking I remember doing.  I just remember it hurt to breathe.  Tears always just a blink away. Remember to breathe in, remember to breathe out, it feels like each breath burns my chest.

I called our nurse Keri at the Texas Fertility Center and left a message asking her what the doc thought had happened.  Even with Troy’s counts not being great, with the 8 eggs I released I thought we should’ve had a chance.  Since it didn’t happen, it must’ve been something with me, maybe my lining.  I asked her if there was a test we could do to see if that was the problem.

On the way home, Austin Pets Alive called to tell me there were two older kittens scheduled to be euthanized at 7pm, and could I get them?  So of course I went to pick up two sweet, adorable kitty “teens,” Leif (the orange and white boy) and Libby (the soft, squishy calico girl).  They’re so adorable!

Leif and Libby, our new fosters

 

such sweet babies!

 

Tuesday I finally started to pray.  Why not me this month?  I had been so sure that like Sarah and Rebekah and Hannah of the Bible, that this would be the month that God would ‘remember’ me and we’d conceive.  I wasn’t angry and I’m still not;  just so hurt and so very, very sad. 

Keri called me back to tell me that I’d had a shortened luteal phase, which meant I hadn’t produced enough progesterone for an embryo to implant in my lining.  I had asked for progesterone before, but had been told that my history didn’t indicate that I needed progesterone supplements.  But I knew I did, I knew they were the key.  I don’t know why, but I knew it.  I’m so angry with myself for not insisting on getting supplements.  If I’d have fought harder for it, maybe I’d be pregnant now.

When I got home Tuesday night, Libby and Leif were showing signs of a big upper respiratory infection.  I called the APA vet on call, and they got me some antibiotics to start the kitties on and made them vet appointments for Wednesday.

On the way to work Wednesday, I began praying, asking for strength.  The old Sunday school song The Joy of the Lord is my Strength popped into my head and started playing on an endless loop.  I googled the song and discovered it’s based on a verse, Nehemiah 8:10, that says, “…Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”  Joy felt very far from me.  Later I heard a sermon about waiting for the Lord’s plan, instead of trying to make our own plan happen.  The preacher said we wait because we are learning something that the Lord can’t teach us any other way.  And that while we wait, we are to worship and praise Him, because as we praise Him, we find joy – the joy that is our strength.  While joy still felt really far away, I began to feel peace.

Thursday work was easier, I could focus my attention finally.  After work, I went to pick up the kitties from the APA vet clinic.  They had given them lots of fluid and antibiotics and had been force-feeding them.  When kitties can’t breathe, they stop eating, which makes them weaker, and the cycle gets worse.  They told me that Leif had only had two, maybe 3 days left before he would’ve died.  I felt so horrible!  The poor babies! 

They taught me how to force-feed the kitties, which sounds much worse than it is.  It consists of wrapping the kitties up in a towel like little kitty burritos, then using a syringe (without a needle) to deposit slurry in the back of their throats.  Then their instincts take over and they swallow.  Slurry is a mixture of soft kitty food, kitten milk powder, a high-calorie paste and warm water all blended together – yum!  I also learned how to give them breathing treatments with a nebulizer.

Friday has been a good day.  Force-feeding is time-consuming, and it feels good to have my hands and my mind busy.  The kitties look so much better, they’re perking up already.  They’re even grooming themselves now, a really good sign!

In between feedings, I spent time napping and catching up on the season premiers of this past week.  So far, I’ve seen House, Heroes, How I Met Your Mother and CSI.  Also caught a new series, the Vampire Diaries.  It’s pretty teeny-bopper, but being on the CW I should’ve expected that.  I think I’m just missing Twilight, wish I still had another book in the series to read!

Right now I’m snuggled on the bed surrounded by all my sweet babies. 

Poppy takin' a bath right next to me. My left elbow is really clean now.

 

Sweet Annie snoozin' next to my leg

 

Dobby, Dude and Lila hangin' on the floor next to the bed. Dude's drooling today, so he can't get on the bedspread.

 

And then, my fairy godmother called to tell me that not only are the last three IUI’s fully covered by insurance, but we have three IVF’s approved and waiting for us when we’re ready.

All of the sudden, I can breathe.  And I think I’ve found some joy.

BFN

We wait for the bus

and we wait for the train

In Texas we’re always

waiting for rain.

 

We wait for next birthday

and our favorite cartoons.

We wait for the summer

No homework to do.

 

We wait for the day

we can drive our own car.

We long for the time

we can walk in a bar.

 

We wait for true love

and we wait for The One

In the meantime our eggs

Turn half-past too done.

 

We wait for a house

to call our own home.

We wait ’til we don’t owe

the bank any loan.

 

It’s just part of life,

this waiting we do.

As much as it sucks

we just trudge on through.

 

We keep waiting for buses

and waiting for trains

And down here in Texas

it still never rains.

 

But of all of the waiting

that we’ve had to do

The hardest my child

is our wait for you.