35 Weeks

Tomorrow will be 35 weeks.  But tomorrow Davie Ann gets tubes in her ears, so I think that will trump any incubation news.

Not much new to report on that front, anyways.  His movements are smaller (must be getting crowded in there), but reassuringly regular.  Sleep has gotten more difficult – it’s almost exhausting trying to sleep.  I can only lie on my side, and my hips and lower back give me at most two hours before the pain wakes me up and I begin the arduous process of rolling over.  My bladder is the same – I get about two hours at a time before I have to go again – but it’s not necessarily synched up with the hip/back pain.  That would be way too convenient.  I’ve also picked up a symptom I had with Davie – my fingers, hands, wrists and sometimes my whole arm will go numb.  Usually the arm I’m lying on when I’m on my side.  That wakes me up pretty quickly.  It’s weird to wake up and not be able to use my fingers for a minute or two.

If all that wasn’t enough to keep me awake, pregnancy-induced insomnia has made for some interesting late night moments.  It’s so strange to wake up at 2am and not be able to fall back asleep for an hour or two.  My mind is tired, but it’s busy.  My body is exhausted, but twitchy and achy.  Usually a hot bath helps a lot.

But all of this is temporary, passing, and insignificant.  Despite the symptoms and all appearances, it doesn’t seem real that I’m growing a human being.  You’d think since we have a daughter I’d be able to wrap my mind around it all.  But it still doesn’t seem like there will be another person in our home at the end of this.  How could we be that lucky, that blessed?  Who are we to have our prayers answered – not once, but twice? 

In these final weeks, I’m feeling more emotion, more nostalgia.  I’m not afraid like I was with Davie.  I feel the reassurance of his movements, I know what the aches and pains are, so I’m not scared every day that he’s gone.  Even with the discomforts I’m enjoying being pregnant.  Being capable of being pregnant.  I am lucky.

And there is the knowledge that this is the last time.  I’ll never be pregnant again.  I’ll never feel life move inside me.  I’ll never carry my baby around with me everywhere I go.  In less than two months, we’ll be two separate beings forever.  I’ll never be so completely enmeshed in another again.

There are so many reasons I’ll never be pregnant again.  This pregnancy was brutal for a long time.  The hyperemesis gravidarum is hard to explain … it consumed my entire being, physically and mentally.  It was hard on my family, my husband and my daughter.  To be pregnant again would mean leaving this baby behind, too.  It wreaked havoc on my work relationships and our finances.  Not to mention the obvious – I’m already 42.  If I get to breast feed, it’ll be at least a year before we can try again, and it took us 3 1/2 years to get Davie and another 2 years for this one.  I don’t know if this old body can handle a pregnancy at 44 or 45!  And even if we were lucky – how frickin’ old will I be when that last kid graduates?!? 

Not to mention, our fertility insurance coverage is all gone.  Only … suddenly, it’s back.  Troy’s insurance is making another global policy change, from United to a version of BCBS, so everyone starts over from scratch.  It’s not as great – it’s a lifetime maximum of $15,000.  Just one try for us.  With ICSI, a fresh cycle costs us about $12,000 a pop.  And with eggs like mine, it’s unlikely we would produce a viable fetus. 

But it does put embryo donation back on the table.  I like the idea of being to carry our adopted baby.  And we still feel a pull in our hearts toward adoption, although all of our focus was on foster-to-adopt.  But the truth is, it’s rare to be able to adopt an infant through the foster system.  Much more common is heartache and loss.  I understand, I really do, that the true purpose of fostering is to facilitate a reunion between child and parents.  I have to admit, my heart isn’t in that.  I want our child to stay with us forever.  And of course I worry that our extended families may not love and accept our adopted child(ren) as they do our biological ones.

Maybe it’s time to “resolve.”  Time to appreciate the two we are blessed with and not ask for more.  I feel a pull towards that peace.  To know our journey to grow our family is forever complete, to fully revel in what we have, to let go finally of the heartache of the journey (whether through IF treatments or adoption).  I think this is where Troy is, and I want to respect him. 

As this pregnancy draws near to the end, I am so excited to meet this new person who will change our lives.  I can’t imagine ever being as deeply immersed in and in love with another human being as we are with Davie Ann.  I know it all changes when they come, the love grows, it just doesn’t seem imaginable now.  I also find myself grieving the ones we lost along the way.  From our first miscarriage before we got pregnant with Davie ’til this very pregnancy where we lost a twin at 8 weeks – or even the other two embryos that didn’t take at all; whether it simply wasn’t God’s time, or my body failed them, or my eggs were too old … whatever the reason, they were wanted and loved.  I hope they know, I hope they know. 

This is long and rambling with no real resolution.  I think I’m just in a process, evolving.  To the next step, whatever it may be.  And whatever it is, may it bring peace.

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28 Weeks

I don’t know what happened to Week 27!  Some how it slipped by!

Today is officially the start of Week 28, otherwise known as the Third Trimester.  It seems surreal to be here, almost like I’m watching it happen to someone else.  It’s hard to wrap my mind around the idea that this is real for me, even as I feel him wiggle and kick.  It’s been a long road here, and yet it seems like it just started.  I think it’s because so many months were a blur of sickeness in between, it seems like I’ve gone straight from the FET in March through some weird dream state then just woke up in the third trimester all of the sudden.

Yesterday I had the day off.  My mom is Davie’s daycare provider, but she had to have a root canal started.  So I took Davie with me to my 28 week OB appt and glucose tolerance test.  I don’t know the results yet, but I’m glad the test is over!  Davie was such a good girl.  That’s a long time for a toddler to sit still!  The OB and his staff had fun seeing her since they delivered her 2 1/2 years ago. 

After the appointment we took a long nap, then my girlfriend Melissa came over.  We mainlined as many Dexter episodes as we could fit in between playing with Davie.  The series finale is next Sunday, and we wanted to be sure we could watch it live so we don’t accidentally end up seeing the ending on TV Monday.  Troy came home and we had sour cream enchiladas for dinner.  He makes the most amazing sour cream chicken enchiladas with refried beans!  We were so stuffed afterwards we couldn’t even eat our Ben & Jerry’s!

On Sunday, we finally officially joined our church!  Mom, Dad, my nephew Cayle, hubby Troy, Davie Ann and I all joined.  It felt wonderful to join as a family.  The church was so welcoming.  It really feels like home!

Troy and I have been to one marriage enrichment class at the church last Wednesday.  It was so enlightening!  It talks about how to improve communication in a marriage.  I feel like we’ve already learned so much!  The class is every Wed. evening for the next six weeks.  Even Troy is interested!  It’s been a great way to really get to know other couples in the church, too.  And Davie Ann always loves a sleep-over with Nana and Pop. 🙂

In sad news, we sold Daisy, my 1979 VW bus.  OMG, I love that thing.  But, it hasn’t been running since before Davie was born, and hard as we tried, we just couldn’t afford to have the engine rebuilt.  I did some research on thesamba.com, a website where folks sell all things vintage VW, and settled on a price of $5000.  I found lots of non-running buses for sale around the same year, but most are on the East or West coast, and have a lot of body damage due to rust from the sea air.  So I picked a price right in the middle, which is about half of what we’ve put into it (inculding buying it), but I knew we’d never get back what we’d spent on it so far and really, it was my sentimental price.  I figured it was a starting point, and if anyone was interested, they could make an offer and we could negotiate.  If there were no offers, I figured we could try lowering the price, or maybe it would just be a sign we should hold onto it until we could afford to have the engine rebuilt.

What I really didn’t expect was the hostility my ad engenered.  I got calls, emails and texts berating me for the starting price I chose.  An older man in Florida took the time to call and berate me for my stupidity.  Another told me since I had obviously missed a period in my ad, he’d be glad to come drag her away if we’d pay HIM $500!  No one bothered to make an offer or come see her, they just started straight in with what a stupid woman I was!  Not anything I had expected at all! 

Daisy had been listed on thesamba.com and on Craigslist since the beginning of June, so I pretty much figured we’d be fixing her up next year.  But last week I got a text asking if a guy could come by and look at the bus.  I told him it was open and he was welcome to go by and take a look, and he could let me know if I was interested.  To my shock, a few hours later I got a text asking me if I would consider an offer of $4000 “plus visiting rights”, which I found totally charming!

The next day Troy and I met with the guy, who is a VW enthusiast through and through.  He had just finished rebuilding just the right engine to go in Daisy!  He was amazed that all of her interior was still vintage, and she had a solid body with very little rust.  She has some vintage parts (an original VW air conditioner, one of the very firstever built), that is worth more than the whole VW!  He just gushed over her and told us all his plans for restoring her, and promised he would bring her back so I could see her after all his work is done. 

So, Daisy has gone to a new home.  If she had to go, I couldn’t have asked for a better buyer.  Such a perfect answer to prayer.  I can’t wait to see her all restored to all her original glory.  Troy and I have tucked away the $4000, and in March we’ll add some of our tax refund to it and will head to Kia to see if we can afford payments on a new (to us) minivan.

Lastly, Troy’s mom Marilyn and his step-sister Sharon came down and stayed with us Friday night and most of Saturday.  It was a really good visit.  Davie and Marilyn had some great bonding time.  Sharon and Troy got to go shooting together (they are both enthusiasts).  We all got to talk together a bit about the baby’s name.  I’m hoping that understanding why we chose his name and what it means to us will help smooth over some of the hurt we didn’t know Marilyn was harboring over Davie’s name.  Over all, a really good, happy visit.

26 Weeks

I hope everyone had  great Labor Day weekend!  Mom, Dad, Troy and I worked hard on the baby’s room.  He’ll be in our room for about a year, probably – first in a cradle by my bed, and later in the crib in our room.  We never took it down after Davie was born, so it’s ready to go. 

But eventually, he’ll be ready for his own little boy room.  We washed and sorted all his clothes and put them in his closet or his new (to us) dresser.  I’ve been shocked to discover how many clothes my mom has been hoarding as my nephews outgrew them through the years!  We have tons for birth thru 24 months, a few 2T’s, then tons of 3T’s and 4T’s, then a few more 5’s and 6’s.  I’ll never have to shop for this kid!

We moved the trundle bed we had in the study up to his room, and the queen bed from his room into the study.  It’s just for guests to use, most likely for Troy’s parents when they come to visit.  It helps them a lot as they both have a lot of health issues.  But although no one will sleep on it regularly, it’s a rule for the adoption agency that every room with a bed in it also has to have a fire alarm in it.  For some reason, it didn’t matter with the trundle bed in there, but it might matter now that the bed is bigger.  We can always take it down later after we move back on to the active adoption list and store it in the garage.

The daybed has new mattress pads on it and is waiting for new Star Wars sheets to arrive.  The rocket ship comforter from Target finally came and it’s airing out right now.  Fortunately the daybed and the dresser really match well!  I have a tiny pew bench I bought off Craigslist many years ago.  We moved that into his room, too and it looks so cute!  He can sit there to put his shoes on.  I weeded out all the baby toys from Davie’s and put them in baskets in Isaiah’s room.  We then made a new play area for Davie in the living room that will leave room for the baby swing when I get it back from my brother and SIL.

All that’s left for Isaiah’s room is to buy the Tardis rug Troy loves and a Boba Fett lamp.  And to put up pictures.  I hope the kid likes sci-fi – if he’s anything like his dad, he’ll love the room.

Wednesday I went to the high-risk doc for a fetal echocardiogram.  Studies have shown a greater increase in heart defects for IVF babies, so now they’ve made it standard to have the heart check done.  They saw all the parts they needed to see and all looks great!

It’s amazing how different I feel about this pregnancy all of the sudden.  I was so scared all of Davie’s pregnancy, right up ’til the end.  I’ve been detached from this pregnancy, mostly due to the hyperemesis.  But now, I feel good.  Healthier since I lost so much weight.  Excited that I can feel him move so much.  More energy now that I can eat.  And now, with this big milestone completed and Isaiah’s room full of clothes and newborn diapers, it just seems so real.  I’m pregnant.  I’m going to have a son.

We talk to Davie about the baby, and I know it doesn’t really make sense to her.  But it’s cute to hear her with her own baby dolls.  She lifts my shirt and checks to see if she can see the baby yet.  We ask her who’s in there, and she says “baby brudder.”  We ask what his name is, and she looks at us like we’re daft and repeats, “Baby Brudder!” and then laughs.  We’ve tried to get her to say Isaiah but I think whether we like it or not, his nickname will be “Zayah” for a while. 🙂

I just feel … blessed.  Joy.  Nostalgia.  I LOVE to feel him move.  I love to pull up my shirt at night and actually see the skin bump up and down – from the outside.  It’s sad that this is the last time I’ll ever experience something so unique to pregnancy.  I want to savor each day. 

The next big milestone is in two weeks.  On the 16th, I have my glucose tolerance test.  The next day, I will turn 28 weeks.  At 24 weeks, the chance of survival after birth is only 50%, but at 28 weeks it jumps to over 80%.  I know that nothing is ever for sure.  I still have moments of panic.  I stand in his room and catch my breath, frozen in fear, wondering how will I handle it if I don’t bring a baby home to this room.  What am I thinking, setting this all up now?  What hubris!

And then I feel him move, and I breathe again, and remember the joy.  Just relax, just enjoy, one day at a time.  Once he’s here, I’ll never be a pregnant woman again.   Enjoy Davie while she’s an only child.  Live in the moment.  Breathe.

25 Weeks and Busted Chins

It seems like it’s been two weeks since I last posted, not just a week.  Now that the hyperemesis fog has lifted, everything seems to be happening so fast!  I’m feeling so much better.  I’ve gained back about 7lbs and seem to be hovering right about there, which is fine by me.  I get tired really easily, but going from zero energy to what I’ve got now makes me feel like a marathon runner! 🙂  I just do things in spurts, then rest, then go at it again.   I guess that makes me more of a sprinter than a marathoner.

The constipation has gotten a lot better since I stopped taking so much Zofran, but I still have to keep an eye on it.  Insomnia seems to be a new wrinkle.  I’ll be soooo tired after work, by 8pm I’m ready for bed.  We start the bedtime ritual for Davie about that time, so it works out great.  But then suddenly around midnight to 2am, I’m wide awake.  Exhausted, but awake.  Sometimes if I eat a little bit of cheese I can fall back asleep.  I’ve started listening to podcasts really softly, and that helps me turn my racing mind off so I can doze back off.  I’m thinking about taking a Benadryl at bedtime to see if that helps, but sometimes it makes me groggy in the morning.  But then, so does being awake for two hours in the middle of the night, so it’s worth a try, eh?

… mmmm, cake balls … a coworker just handed me cake balls … whoever invented these is a genius … Newt is doing flips … apparently cake balls are a hit with him, too …

Speaking of flips (or rather, a lack thereof), I realized last Friday I hadn’t felt him move since Thursday afternoon.  By late afternoon Friday, I had tried everything – ice cold water, orange juice, even a Starbucks frappacino.  He didn’t move.  So I called the OB and asked if they would let me come in to hear the heartbeat, and they were so understanding.  They found the heartbeat right away, so sweet to hear.  Then a resident came in and asked if she could practice with their new portable ultrasound machine.  Hell, yes!  So we got to see that he really was moving around in there, I just couldn’t feel it.  Of course, by Saturday morning, he was practicing Tae Bo moves in there.

We did go to church Sunday but we didn’t end up joining.  My folks were able to go with my brother and his family to Sea World in San Antonio.  They stayed overnight and went to the zoo the next day.  I’m so glad they got to spend some great time together before school starts for my nephews!  It was just waaay too hot for us, in the triple digits, and I just can’t take that kind of heat right now.  And Davie is so fair skinned.  We’ll go to the Sea World Halloween show in October when it’s cooler.  In any case I wanted my folks to be able to join the church at the same time as us, so we figured we’d just do it the next time we’re all together. 

Sunday afternoon my folks got home and decided they missed Davie, so they came and picked her up for an overnight.  About 9pm I got a call that she had been running from the carpet in the living room onto the tile of the kitchen, and had gotten tangled up in a pair of flip flops and face-planted, cracking open her chin.  She has a scar there already from falling on the sidewalk when she was walking with PopPop about a year ago.  This time, it was really long, about an inch and a half.

So we all headed to the ER and met my folks there.  Davie was fast asleep, oblivious to everything, but my mom was a mess.  Poor Nana, she just completely blamed herself.  Fortunately Davie didn’t need any stitches, they were able to close it with Dermabond.  Unfortunately, they found out what I thought were little blisters around her mouth are actually an impatego infection.  I didn’t even know what that was.  They prescribed her an ointment, and fortunately it already looks 90% better.

Tuesday my dad took her to Safari Champ, and padded jungle-gym type thing where Davie has made a little friend, Dalia.  Apparently at some point she came out of the climbing set and her chin had re-opened.  I had given my folks a copy of our insurance card, so they headed back to the ER.  The staff there were so sweet!  They didn’t charge us anything, and they cleaned the wound and super-dermabonded it.  Since then, it has stayed closed!  When I picked Davie up after work, I joked that every time my kid stayed with Nana and Pop, we end up having to glue her back together.  I thought it was a lot funnier than poor Mom did.

Yesterday was “Meet the Teacher” day at Davie’s new school.  We took her school supplies up and got to say hello to the other kids in Davie’s classroom and their parents.  Davie was only shy for about 10 minutes, then she was unstoppable!  She checked out all the toys, and colored on an easel.  She chatted away at the other kids.  She wasn’t scared or nervous at all!  Just further confirmation to me that we’re doing the right thing by starting her in classes.  She’s so smart, and so ready to learn! 

I hope everyone has a great Labor Day weekend!  I am so ready for the weekend to start.  Saturday morning we have grocery shopping, post office and cleaning the house chores to do.  In the afternoon, Troy will watch Davie while Mom and I go exchange some clothes for Newt at Crazy 8 (I didn’t realize I got so many newborn sleepers.  I think I’ll exchange some for 0-3mos).  After that, we’re off for pedicures!  Woot!  I can’t wait!  I wanted to take mom on her birthday but we had a lot going on at the time.  There’s a great deal at Babies ‘R Us I’d like to take advantage of, too.  There’s a Dr. Brown newborn kit I want to get for Newt, but it costs $78 on Amazon.  There are 6 bottles in it that are tinted blue (but are see-through), extra newborn nipples, 3 different bottle brushes, two teethers and a couple other things in it.  It’s on sale for $49.99, and I have a 20% off coupon that will make it $40.  Also, if I spend $50, Babies ‘R Us will give us an umbrella stroller for free.  So I could add in $10 worth of other items and get it all for less than just the bottle kit costs on Amazon. We’ll see how much we can fit in to the day. 🙂 

Sunday is church in the am.  In the afternoon, Dad is coming over to help Troy and I move furniture around and set up Newt’s room.  I can’t wait to get it done!  Since he will be in our room for a year or so, we’re setting up his room more as a little boy room than a baby room.  Troy wants a ‘sci-fi’ theme.  I ordered a twin comforter from Target that has grey, blue and red rocket ships in a pattern all over it.  From an ebay store I ordered two sets of grey cotton Star Wars sheets (new, not vintage :).  Next month Troy wants to order a rug that has an exploding Tardis on it (from ThinkGeek.com), and there’s an adorable Boba Fett bedside lamp I’d like to get.  I’m thinking of looking at JoAnn Fabrics to see if I can find some Star Trek fabric there that my mother-in-law can sew into throw pillows for the bed.   I saw some hilarious fuzzy Tribble pillows in an ad that cracked me up.  I’ve also seen some amazing robot wall decals we might try, too.

Monday morning we’ll finish organizing the clothes, diapers and supplies we have so far in the baby room.  In the afternoon I think we’ll go swimming one last time before the neighborhood pools close on Tuesday.  I don’t know why they close before October in Texas.  It stays hot here!

Next Wednesday we have the fetal echocardiogram on Newt.  I’m excited to take a good long look at him. 🙂  In the evening there is a massive consignment event for baby clothes and supplies called Fairytale Threads.  I got to sign up to go in early with other expectant moms (It’s weird how I still feel like an imposter, even at 6 months!)  I hope we find a good baby carrier, boy’s clothes, toys for Davie and Newt and maybe a sweet Christmas dress for Davie.  I’m sooo excited!

Have a great weekend!

24 Weeks

Viability.  Not a guarantee, but a nice milestone to reach.  It’s good to be here.  Newt is moving like crazy and I love it. 

Finally, finally, I am off the Zofran pump.  Finally.  Last Saturday I took it off – it was time to change out the site where it went into my stomach, and I wanted to take a shower to wash my hair and shave before putting in the new site.  But after my shower, we started doing chores and cleaning, then cooking … and suddenly, it was the end of the day, and I still hadn’t restarted the pump.  So I gave the home health nurse a call, started on oral Zofran and happily never looked back.

I still take it easy, eating mostly light and bland foods.  I don’t have any cravings, but I don’t have the strong aversions I had at first, either.  Nausea still passes through from time to time, but it’s light and manageable.  I’m staying well hydrated.  I have a little more energy and it’s amazing to actually feel good sometimes.  I miss going out to movies and spending time with friends.  It’s like I just woke up from a four month coma. 

I’ve found myself standing in the guest room, re-arranging furniture in my head.  I guess it’s the beginnings of nesting?  We really don’t need much for the baby.  I’ve been buying diapers, wipes and formula, and mom and I have gone through Davie’s clothes and picked out all the gender-neutral newborn and 0-3 month outfits.  Since we didn’t know her gender, we actually have quite a few things we can use.  We’ll use her newborn car seat and pack ‘n play, too. 

The biggest item we’ll need is a dresser.  I’ve been watching Craigslist, but I really want a sturdy one that has drawers on metal runners that catch at the end.  I don’t want the drawers to be able to fall out of the dresser or for the dresser itself to fall over.  So I think we’ll end up having to buy one new. 

We have a trundle bed in Troy’s office and a queen bed in the guest room.  It’s been great for company, but it takes up the whole room.  I really want to move the trundle bed to the guest room (Newt’s room) and add a dresser.  I’ll keep the crib in our room for a while but we could fit it in Newt’s room later on, too.  But we still need the queen bed for when Troy’s parents visit.  I don’t know if it’ll fit in Troy’s office but I think we’ll do some measuring this weekend and see what we can do.

Davie starts school on the 3rd of next month!  I’m so excited for her.  I hope she loves it.  School is at our church, and she’ll go from 9am-2pm Tues., Wed. & Thurs.  She’s just so smart, I can’t wait to hear about all she learns!  My mom went to get her hair cut on Monday, so dad took Davie to Safari Champ, one of those padded climbing places.  And she made a friend!  Davie  plays beside other kids, but this is the first time she actually engaged with another girl.  They held hands and shared a ball and went down the slides together.  The other girl, Dahlia, had a nanny with her Davie kept calling “Teacher.”  When we got home, Davie talked non-stop about Teacher and Dahlia!  To me, it’s just another sign that she is ready for the interaction she’ll get at school.

Financially, we now have to incorporate tuition into the monthly budget.  Keep praying for financial wisdom for us!  It’s going to be tight with maternity leave coming up.  Just last week, I got a school supply list for Davie of stuff we’ve got to pick up before the 3rd.  I guess I should’ve known, but she’s only 2!  It’s a long list, too – paper towels, wipes, glue sticks, all kinds of crayons and markers, nap maps, oh my!  We had a bunch of the stuff already but I’m sure I’ll be hitting Walmart this weekend.

I think Sunday we will officially join the church.  I’m so excited to start being part of a church family.  I feel like I’ve finally returned to my roots as a preacher’s daughter. 🙂

 

22 Weeks

Wednesday I had my big anatomy scan.  Newt is still officially a boy!  Troy and Mom were able to go with me.  After that initial moment where the baby first comes on screen – I always hold my breath, waiting for that heartbeat or movement – I was able to really relax and enjoy the scan.  Everything looks good.  They checked the heart, brain, diaphram, kidneys, boy parts, lips and nose and measured the long bones.  I’m sure they checked so much more than I can even imagine.  I just loved watching him wiggle and wave his arms.

The perinatologist said that Newt’s heart looks great, but they want to see me back in four weeks to do the fetal doppler and echocardiogram.  I thought that’s what we were doing today, but he said it’s more accurate when the baby is a little bigger.  Although everything is fine, they require them for all IVF babies.  And I don’t mind getting another peek in four weeks.

When we got home last night, my in-laws Jim and Marilyn had arrived to stay for a few days.  Originally Marilyn was going to come to the ultrasound, but for some reason they changed their minds.  I love my in-laws and always enjoy their company.  They always do that kind of thing, though – make plans, then change their minds last minute.  I’m a planner, so it used to drive me crazy, but I’ve learned to just go with the flow. 🙂 

Jim and Marilyn are staying for two days to help us with Davie.  Mom and Dad are going to stay with some good friends for a few days, so Troy and I would’ve had to take off work to watch Davie if the in-laws hadn’t come.  I’m so glad not to miss any more work!  I’m still trying to build my maternity leave back up since we went to the beach last month!

The hyperemesis seems to be letting up a little bit more.  I think today I will be brave and ask the Alere nurse to lower my dose.  I’m not sure but I think there’s only one lower dose until I’m off the pump.  I still get nauseous every day, but I’m not throwing up much and I’ve gained two pounds.  So I think I might be closer to breaking free.

It’s so strange to know this is my last pregnancy.  With Davie, I was so scared all the time that at any moment, we would lose her.  I liked the reassurance of feeling her move, but the movement felt weird and almost uncomfortable to me.  This time, I love feeling movement.  Other than the hyperemesis, I’m really enjoying being pregnant.  I’m ok with this being the last, and at the same time, I’m glad I’m finally able to start relishing the experience.  I’m actually looking forward to giving birth one more time.

A New Week

Hope everyone had a good weekend!  It went well for us overall.  Friday I couldn’t eat much and felt pretty crappy overall.  I noticed in the evening I wasn’t feeling Newt move much.  Usually my favorite time of day to feel him move is bedtime.  When my tummy is full and I’m lying down in bed relaxing, he usually puts on a show!  But I fell asleep pretty quickly Friday so I’m not sure if I just missed it or if he was unusually quiet.

Saturday morning I woke up early, and still, no news from the ute.  By then it was really scaring me!  So, following all good parenting advice, I jumped out of bed and flew to Starbucks, still in my pajamas (hey, I didn’t get out of the car so it doesn’t count, right?).  I got a small mocha frappacino for me (it’s hot in Texas, even that early!) and some cinnamon dulche hot coffee thing for Troy.  I sucked the whole thing down on the way home, and crawled back into bed to wait for news from Newt.

Around 8 Troy and Davie both came lumbering into my room at the same time.  (Troy has been sleeping in the guest room since he was diagnosed with bronchitis.  He’s trying not to infect anyone else.)  It was so funny, like Papa Bear and miniature Baby Bear.  They both were half dressed, dragging blankets behind them, hair sticking up in every direction and grunting incoherently.  Troy was happy to have the coffee.

Finally around 1pm I was finally able to eat something – and about 10 minutes later, Newt made himself known again.  I was about to head for the nearest ER!  I know 22 weeks is early to expect regular movement, but omg that scared the crap out of me.  The Starbucks had another side effect, though – I pooped all day long!  I’ve been constipated since March, but yesterday I went three times! 

I was so excited to go to church again Sunday.  I even laid out an outfit for Davie – complete with shoes and matching bows – and one for me.  But Saturday was a rough day as far as the hyperemesis goes, and even though I was exhausted at bedtime, for the life of me I could not fall asleep!  I finally drifted off at 5am!!!  At 6 my alarm went off and I texted Mom that we weren’t going to make it.

To give me a chance to rest up, Troy took Davie to the kitchen to make French toast.  I dunno what happened, but about 15 minutes later the smoke alarms went off.  Davie came dashing into my room yelling, “Babe!  Babe!  Daddy made a naughty noise!”  I guess she caught on that Troy and I call each other “Babe”!  I have no idea where she learned the word “naughty”!  After that, they headed to a local park and water park for a few hours.

I’m so sad we missed out on church.  To keep this from happening again, I’ve set an alarm on my phone to remind me to take a Phenegren or a Benedryl to help me get a good night’s sleep.  I will win over hyperemesis!  It will not keep me from church again!!

Every few months Troy will drive to south Austin (about an hour from our house) and buy about $100-$150 worth of meat from a local butcher.  They put together packages each month that have a great mix of steaks, pot roast, pork and beef ribs, chicken, sausage (both links and ground), hamburger and OMG the best bacon EVER.  Some of the meat is comparable to the supermarket price-wise.  Some is a little less, some a little more.  But it’s nice knowing the meat is fresh and organic, and overall it’s a great value. 

Not long ago, a different butcher opened shop right around the corner from us, the Westfalia Market.  We found out they do the same “value box” each week, and we were excited to try it – no more driving across town!  We’ve been SO disappointed in the meat!  Most of it has been flavorless and full of gristle.  The steaks were thin and even though we marinated them for a day first, they had no flavor and hardly any meat.  There were no pot roasts or chicken in the box.  They sausage has a weird, nasty, greasy taste.  By the end, we had three cuts of pork ribs left.  I hated to throw them away, but we were not excited about cooking them.

While Davie and Troy were at the park Sunday, I browned the ribs and put them in the crock pot with a bottle and a half of Jack Daniels honey BBQ sauce and 2 cups of chicken broth.  About 4 we took them up to Mom & Dad’s and had them with Barracho beans, rice and garlic biscuits.  They turned out really good!  (I couldn’t eat meat but I loved the beans and rice).  At least we had one good meal out of that value box.  We’ll never buy meat from them again, though!

I talked to Alere Home Heath about raising my Zofran dose back up on my pump.  The nurse encouraged me to take one more week to see if I could adjust to this lowered dose.  I missed some work last week due to vomiting and nausea, so we’ll see how this week goes.  If I miss any more work, I’m going back up.  I have to admit, though – while I hate feeling horrible, I’m also a little bit scared that if I start feeling really good, I’ll gain a lot of weight.  Can’t win.

Tomorrow evening my MIL Marilyn is coming to stay for a few days.  I’m looking forward to spending time with her.  She and my mom will go with me to New’s anatomy scan Wednesday morning.  I can’t wait to see him again!

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