Feelings and Finances

Home health hasn’t lowered my Zofran dose again.  I missed some work Wednesday and Thursday due to nausea and vomiting.  I’ve lost 3lbs in 2 days.  But I really, really don’t want to raise the dose!  That means admitting defeat!  I want to be pump-free!  For now, I’m sticking it out, waiting to see if I start to adjust to this dose better.  If it’s not better by Monday, I’ll go back up a notch.  I can’t afford to keep missing work. *sigh*

And it doesn’t help that both the Alere (home health) nurse and my OB keep saying things like, “It’s taking you an unusually long time … usually patients are over it by now … but you know, if you need it, we’ll stick with it …”  I’m in the hyperemsis support group on Baby Center, though, and there are lots of women who are still on the pump.  Some had to have it all the way until they gave birth (please, no….).  Most seem to have been off the pump between 18-24 weeks, and most of those went on to use the Zofran pills until birth.  Some of them got really bad again the last month, but chose to get through it with the pills rather than go back on the pump.  It really is a miracle and a pain in the bootay, both.

It sucks to have to lug it around everywhere.  But it sucks to throw up and be nauseous all the time.  It sucks to have patients notice and ask about it at work.  But it sucks to miss work.  At this point, I’m measuring success by how well the baby is growing and how well I’m staying hydrated on my own.  At least I’m not having to go for IV fluids every few days anymore.  And best of all, the baby is still measuring ahead in size and my fluid levels are fine, so I guess I can stick it out. 🙂

It’ll be so nice to see Newt again next Wednesday.  So far my mom, MIL and Troy are all planning to go.  I invited my mom ’cause I didn’t think Troy had any more time off work.  Then a few days later MIL asked about getting to see the baby – she got to see Davie several times on ultrasound but hasn’t gotten to see Newt yet.  Troy thinks we’re going to go eat at the Bacon restaurant after the ultrasound so he decided he has enough time off to go.  Mmmhmm.  More excited about bacon than he is about Newt.  (I’m just teasing, he is so happy about Newt but it always seems more real to him after the baby gets here.  I can understand that!)

The best part of pregnancy so far is feeling Newt move.  He moves a lot!  I can feel it on the outside most days now, as well as on the inside.  I remember that with Davie, I like the reassurance of feeling her move, but the sensation also kind of weirded me out.  This time, I really like it.  I’m glad I’m enjoying at least part of this pregnancy, since it’ll be the last.  That makes me happy. 🙂

Finances are coming together, with some work.  We had to work out a few payment arrangements, but we’ll be all caught up by September.  I really want to start saving, though.  We have all we need for Newt except for boy clothes, so there won’t be alot of sudden expenses.  We’re already buying diapers, wipes and formula a little at a time as I see sales or get coupons or rebates (the diapers and wipes we buy from Amazon Mom). 

Last time, I took 10 weeks of maternity leave, and it was the last two weeks that really made us tight.  The first two weeks I have completely paid by vacation time, and it will be the same with Newt.  The third week, I’ll go on short-term-disability, which will be 66% of my regular salary.  On top of that, I’m not working my extra weekend job anymore, so we don’t have that income, either. 

This time, I’m only going to take 8 weeks off.  Troy will take a few days when Newt is born, then he’ll take a week at the end of my maternity leave (the week I start back at work), so he and Newt will have a week together just the two of them. 🙂  After that, Newt will go to my mom’s with Davie Ann.  But before I go on leave, I’d like to have two months’ worth of rent saved in the bank.

I’ve thought a lot about going back to the weekend job.  The work itself really is easy and low stress.  It has a lot of down-time where I am free to read, play on the computer, watch TV on my computer or coupon.  Who gets paid to do that kind of stuff, right?  Sounds crazy to give up the extra money!

However, it’s a long drive to get there (about 45 minutes).  It takes almost half a tank of gas round trip.  While I’m at work, I’m missing out on time with Davie and my family.  I HATE missing out on being with her.  I had kids because I wanted to raise them, not work while someone else gets to raise them!  And while I’m at work, Troy just lets her destroy the house.  I know it’s exhausting chasing a toddler, but it’s not fair that I have to make the income and then come home and clean up all their messses, clean the house and take care of the pets and do laundry.  The time I spend cleaning is another four hours I can’t spend with my daughter.  It makes me resent Troy, and I don’t want that and I know it will get worse when I’m missing out on two babies.

So, we have some options – we can live more simply, cut our expenses and get to spend more time together.  Or, Troy could find a part-time job.  He thinks it’s not fair because I make more during the hours I work, but I think it’s not fair because I’ve been the one working two jobs for 7 years now.  Isn’t it his turn?  Also, I can take care of a toddler AND keep the house fairly clean (I can at least keep her from destroying the house while Troy’s at work).  Besides – it’snot forever!  In a year and a half, we will have one car paid off and two other major debts paid.  If we can just stick it out a little longer …

I don’t know, it’s hard to know what to do next.  In the end, I think we both want to be together with our family.  We just need to be vigilant and review our finances constantly together.  It’s gonna be a team effort.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Another Dreamer
    Aug 02, 2013 @ 15:36:59

    I hear you on finances. I hope you can reach a decision that works for all of you, I know it has to be hard.

    As for the pump, man. I really really really hope this eases up for you soon 😦 I can’t begin to imagine how this much be for you. It sounds incredibly difficult!

    Hope things look well with Newt 🙂


  2. JustMe
    Aug 02, 2013 @ 22:28:19

    So sorry about still being sick. But more angry at the doctor and nurse for frowning at you for still needing the meds. That is NOT what you need. I’m also sorry about the finance stuff. There’s no right answer…but I hope you guys can figure out something that works for you.


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