Foster To Adopt

I’ve been meaning to address this topic, but the hyperemesis has controlled my world for a while. 

After we finished our home study in March, we became aware that it was going to be a while before everything was finalized.  That’s when we decided to go through with the frozen embryo transfer.  I honestly did not expect it to be successful.  Since it was our last attempt ever to have a biological child, I wanted to be done with it before we were matched with a foster child.  We had pretty much mourned our chance for a biological connection, and were ready to move on whole-heartedly with adoption.

Unfortunately, we are all too aware of micarriage statistics for my age group, so even after we got our BPF, we decided to give it some time before reporting it to Pathways.  By then, it had been a month since we’d heard anything more than, “We haven’t forgotten you, it’s a busy time for us and we’ll follow up with you as soon as possible.”  Which was fine, it gave us some time to see how things would go with the pregnancy.

After that, we lost the twin, then the hyperemesis took hold and it became difficult to focus on anyting other than moment-to-moment survival, as dramatic as that sounds.  Just the past five days, I’ve finally been able to slow the weight loss and find a few good hours here and there.  It feels sort of like I’ve been in a coma for a month and am just starting to become aware of the world around me again.

We finally heard from Pathways just this Wednesday.  They sent us our final contracts, which we signed and sent back in.  All that is left is to email a digital family picture of us for our file, and we are done!  We are officially approved as a foster-to-adopt family.

When I got the email from Pathways on Wednesday, I realized I should have notified them earlier when the pregnancy seemed to be successful.  It’s just hard to pinpoint that … how can an infertile ever be confident in a pregnancy?  So I wrote to our case manager, Rebecca, and explained everything, from the pregnancy to the hyperemesis.  She was very supportive and happy for us.  Of course, we are not the first family to become pregnant while waiting to be approved, and it is Pathway’s policy to have the family wait until at least a few months after a major family event (such as a birth) before placement.

So, although we are now licensed to foster-to-adopt, we are now considered ‘inactive’.  Our license is good for two years, though, so we can return to ‘active’ status next year.  Troy and I truly believe God led us to Pathways for a reason.  Our hearts and our home are open to His plan for our family.

We can finally say with all complete honesty and no reservations that after this pregnancy (hopefully successful, but either way) we will not pursue another pregnancy.  We do not want to try for another biological child.  I’ve read that hyperemesis gravidarum often becomes more severe with each successive pregnancy.  I just can’t do this again.  And that doesn’t even factor in my age and the fact that we are out of fertility insurance coverage.  Besides that, I already was at peace in my heart with being done.  Whether or not we were successful this year, I did not want to spend another year of our lives trying to conceive.  I’m happy to grow our family, but not biologically anymore. 

So that’s where we are.  I’m a little sad we aren’t ‘active’ after all those months of prayer, hoping, inspections, paperwork, and classes.  But I know this isn’t the right time to bring a child in crisis into our home.  I’m barely giving any of myself to my kid and hubby, much less to a baby who needs every ounce of attention and love we can give.  Pathways has the experience to know what’s best for the children they represent.  And God’s timing is perfect.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Another Dreamer
    Jun 21, 2013 @ 11:35:37

    At least you’ll have it done and can come back when you’re ready. I think it’s an amazing option. I’m glad things have eased up some, and I really hope they continue to get better.


    • iamstacey
      Jun 21, 2013 @ 14:20:43

      Thanks, Dreamer. I hope so, too! We’re supposed to go see World War Z for my bday this weekend. I hope I can make it thru without barfing! And eat some popcorn!!


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