9 Weeks

Almost 9 weeks, anyways (8W1d).  I struggled with constipation a bit last weekend, and ended up with worrisome cramping that had me begging for an ultrasound on Sunday.  The weekend nurse kindly but firmly told me they would fit me in on Monday, and fortuantely my work schedule ended up cooperating.  My fears were unfounded (“I told you so,” said Troy, completely un-helpfully).  Newt looked fantastic, measuring 9w1d with a heart rate of 174.  Dr. Silverberg took his time, letting me listen to the heartbeat, pointing out the forming spine, and then we just watched Newt twitch and move.  I loved it.  Loved it.  I’m so happy and relieved.

So now I’ve graduated!  I’ll still get progesterone and estradiol bloodwork drawn once a week for Dr. Silverberg until I’m off the Crinone inserts, but I won’t have to go back into the office.  Next, I make an appointment with my regular OB, Dr. Breen. 

It was a rough weekend.  Davie didn’t run a fever again, but she threw up several times.  Mostly, it just scared her, poor baby.  My niece Kinley got the same virus from her daycare, and gave it to her parents.  My folks got it, too, either from Davie or Kinley.  So we had two babies and four adults with the runs and vomiting.  Troy and I may have gotten a touch of it – we were both lethargic, nauseous and had no appetite.  But those are all the same symptoms I’ve had with the pregnancy so far (and I had the opposite of the runs), so I’m probably fine.

Last Saturday (the Saturday after I found out we lost BB), Troy told my mom about the pregnancy.  It’s ok, I would have rather waited, but I understand why he let the cat out of the bag. 

There were a few reasons why we hadn’t told our families, but the main reason was honestly that it just felt right to go through this last try with our own embryos together, just me and Troy.  This has been our journey to building our family, the hardest journey we’ve ever taken as a couple, and it felt right to end this huge chapter together.  We have other chapters in place – we are already on the embryo adoption waiting list, and we had just completed our foster-to-adopt requirements.  But this was a big ending, the last four Troy+Stacey embryos that would ever be.  Whether we were successful or not, it felt right to walk this last step together.

There were other reasons, too.  My parents were going through a major life change as my father retired from the ministry.  Not only is that a major adjustment in income, it’s also a change of identity.  At the same time, they were looking for housing close to my brother and trying to get out of their rental before the lease was up.  With all that stress, I just didn’t want to drag them through the FET roller coaster.  As they struggled with financial changes in their lives, I knew they would worry about the fiancial burden of adding a child to the family (even though that’s mine and Troy’s responsibility, not theirs).  Also, I was afraid if the pregnancy were successful, we would lose their support of our foster-to-adopt dreams.  Before we are matched we need for mom to take a CPR class, take the Saturday child trauma class at Pathways and be FBI fingerprinted.  She will be our primary “daycare,” and those things are required by Pathways.  Of course we are hoping and praying for the best with this pregnancy, but we don’t know God’s plan.  And we entered into the adoption process with a lot of prayer and the confidence that we were being led to do so.  So we didn’t want to lose my folks’ focus or support for our adoption goals.

If I could have chosen, I would’ve waited until 14 weeks to tell anyone.  But that Saturday, it had been such a long day and we were so beat down and exhausted.  Davie was still fighting fever and was so fussy.  We were grieving the loss of BB.  I think Troy just needed a little extra support himself after supporting me for the week.  And I have to say, I competely underestimated my parents.  After the initial surprise, my Mom just exploded happiness all over us!  She promised to only tell Dad (and not to tell extended family and friends, but I bet she’s already broken that promise *sigh*).  They texted and called us all evening with happy encouragement and joy!  It was so wonderful to see their excitement.  Dad called and prayed with us for a healthy pregnancy and sent love and comfort for the loss of BB.  Not once did anyone say anthing about how it was for the best, or anything like that.  There was only sorrow BB wouldn’t join us, and joy that Newt was doing so well.  It couldn’t have been more perfect for an imperfect time.

So … it’s off to the OB next.  We’ll see where we’re at then.


12 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Another Dreamer
    May 06, 2013 @ 14:46:48

    So glad things still look good with Newt! I can understand wanting to wait, and not waiting too. I’m so glad they’ve been supportive and understanding, and that no one said anything about it being for the best! It sounds like you have a great support system.


    • iamstacey
      May 06, 2013 @ 14:58:42

      I really do. I totally underestimated them. I knew dad got it when he called and immediately acknowledged both the joy and the loss. It was so sweet. Not once did they express relief that it was going to be only one, not two at once … nothing like that.
      Still, it would’ve been fun to have a big reveal at 14 weeks. I’m big so I probably could’ve hidden it. How often does an infertile get to surprise anyone, ya know?


  2. katery
    May 06, 2013 @ 16:09:30

    You’re ALMOST through the first trimester!!!! As you probably know, louise was a twin, she’s baby “a”, at six weeks we had two heartbeats but by our eight week ultrasound baby “b’ s” heart was no longer beating. It was hard for you, I’m sure, but to be perfectly honest, I was relieved, the thought of two at once scared the crap out of me, and I was just so freaking happy that louise made it, you know? But like I said, I know not everyone feels that way and I’m so sorry you lost “b”.


    • iamstacey
      May 07, 2013 @ 14:51:41

      I had forgotten that about Louise! I’ve been surprised how common it is in IF. We are sad BB is gone, but we are over the moon about Newt! I didn’t mean to drag out the stuff about BB, I just realized I had forgotten to write about Troy telling Mom, so in talking about that I ended up bringing up the BB stuff again.
      And – I was right – mom has already blabbed to a friend. It’s just a matter of time before it spreads like wildfire. *sigh* If anything happens, Troy has to do all the “untelling.” 😦


  3. katery
    May 07, 2013 @ 21:45:46

    Oh jeez, I hope you didn’t feel like I was suggesting you were dragging out the loss of bb, a loss is a loss and of course you love bb too. Just because the idea of twins scared the crap out of me doesn’t mean you weren’t over the moon with the idea, you’re totally entitled to whatever feelings you’re having, not to mention, this is YOUR blog, you get to talk about whatever you please here! And being sad about losing bb doesn’t overshadow your joy that newt is doing great 🙂


    • iamstacey
      May 08, 2013 @ 14:05:05

      lol we’re too funny I promise, I didn’t take it that way! I think I was more excited about the idea of twins because I really didn’t think it could ever happen! Especially at my age! It did stun Troy a bit, though. He got excited about it later but it took him a few days. 🙂
      Every ultrasound helps me feel more secure about Newt. I’ve decided that if we make it to 14 weeks without drama, I’m just going to let go and relax and enjoy. I don’t want to be so mired in what’s lost that I forget to enjoy what’s ahead!


  4. JustMe
    May 07, 2013 @ 23:26:59

    I’m so glad everything was ok. I know what it’s like to feel so terrified. Especially after what you’ve already been through. I also understand why you wanted to have your own special time with this pregnancy before you told everyone, but so happy to hear the response was so positive!


    • iamstacey
      May 08, 2013 @ 14:07:15

      Talk about being freaked out – after I read your last post, I put Troy on an indefinite sex fast. I even bought him a toy and told him to enjoy himself. Name it Jessica Alba and go to town. The doors here are CLOSED. How are you guys doing? Everything better?


  5. sangela71
    May 08, 2013 @ 12:48:54

    I’m woefully behind in reading but wanted to comment and say I’m sorry about the loss of Baby B. I am sure it must be an odd feeling to continue being happy and excited about Baby A while mourning the loss of your other little one.



    • iamstacey
      May 08, 2013 @ 14:08:51

      It has been a wierd place to be in. You pegged it exactly! I’m sure the farther out we get, the more we’ll be able to enjoy the pregnancy and let go of the loss. I think I’ll always wonder what it would’ve been like, though. 🙂


  6. babybaker
    May 12, 2013 @ 14:04:14

    congratulations! i’m so happy for you! i can imagine the loss of BB must not be easy and i truly hope it gets easier with time. a few more weeks til you hit the 2nd trimester! hang in there, mama!


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