Observations and Prayers

Spent the last couple of days watching a lot of Dora the Explorer with a feverish, cranky toddler.  I have to say, Dora asks for a lot of help.  I mean, the kid can’t even look in her own backpack.  She’d be able to see Swiper herself if she’d just turn around.  Perhaps Dora’s parents shouldn’t be letting this kid go on so many adventures until she’s a little more independent.  Surprisingly, however, Boots seems unnaturally mature for a monkey.  I’ve never once seen him fling poo.

Speaking of poo, constipation seems to making a comeback, so that’s loads of fun.  It’s so weird, I’ve never dealt with constipation other than during my pregnancy with Davie.  For someone who’s regular almost by the clock, it’s a strange thing to deal with.  My mantra last time was “Two Colace and two prunes a day, keep the painful poopies away!” (Troy never thought I was as clever as I did.)  I found some left-over Colace this morning and I’ll pick up some prune juice on the way home tonight. Fuuuuuuun.

I know the Crinone progesterone suppositories are the miracle glue that is keeping Newt in place.  I am so grateful for it, and for the most part, I don’t mind the nuisance of remembering to put it in three times a day, the constant “wet” feeling, and the “grit” and globs that work their way back out continuously.  I look at it as an update on what’s going on up there – is it pink?  some shade of red?  gritty?  etc.  However, really, really don’t like going around all day feeling like I haven’t wiped my arse properly.  Enough with the slimy buttcheeks already.

Mostly, I’m scared.  I’m so afraid that when we go in next week, we won’t see Newt’s heartbeat.  I’ve lost my focus, my peace.  I keep praying but I can’t seem to get back to my place of zen.  Maybe ’cause now I don’t really mean what I’m praying?  I pray, “Lord, your will is perfect.  May your will be done in our lives and the lives of our babies.”  But really, I just want to beg, please let Newt live.  I know God knows the desires of our hearts.  Is it ok to pray “Your will be done” even if I’m afraid His will is to take Newt?  I want to be okay with that, to know He has a greater plan for each of us that we know.  I want peace back.

“Lord, please take control;  please calm my heart.  Thank You for this time with Newt.  Please know it is the desire of our hearts that we would have a healthy pregnancy, a healthy birth and a healthy baby.  But above all, may Your good and perfect will be done in each of our lives.  Help me to focus on You.  Amen.”

 

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6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Another Dreamer
    May 03, 2013 @ 11:47:27

    I know it has to be scary and things feel uncertain. I am so hoping for you.

    I really hated the Crinone gunk and feeling like I was leaking, but you’re right- it’s doing what it needs to, so that’s good. I think that the constipation (annoying as it is!) is a good sign too, it means nice progesterone 😉 Hang in there.

    Reply

  2. Good Timing
    May 03, 2013 @ 21:01:04

    I had to laugh at your Dora comments, you’re so right! 😉
    As for newt, keep the faith! He/she has been doing so awesome since the get go and I have a good feeling things are going to continue that way. Take each day one at a one and relish all the small moments. 🙂 thinking of you. Keep me posted!

    Reply

  3. Aisha
    May 04, 2013 @ 20:51:49

    You too with Dora huh?! I do that with big bird, and elmo, and curious geroge, I can get quite caught up in it LOL

    So happy for you and following your journey filled with hope!

    Reply

    • iamstacey
      May 06, 2013 @ 14:52:01

      We went through the Elmo and Curious George phase, but they fell out of favor when Dora and Diego caught her attention. We just can’t get her into Sesame Street, but all of the sudden she loves Scooby Doo. Go figure.

      Reply

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