Foster to Adopt and FET

We’re two classes into our foster to adopt (F2A) PRIDE classes.  And I’m sad to say, I have no idea what ‘PRIDE’ stands for, but the classes have been very informative.  As well as giving us the information we will need to be good foster parents, I think it also gives the case workers a chance to get to know us individually and as a parenting team.  There are five Monday night 6pm-9pm classes and one Saturday 9-5:30 class.  Unfortunately the Saturday class falls on my niece Kinley’s first birthday.  We’re hoping we can work something out so we can leave early but make up the hours.

The first class was fun and discouraging.  It was fun getting to know the other potential parents.  It was discouraging to hear Pathways stress that the need was truly for ‘foster only’ families that are willing to take older sibling groups.  There wasn’t much encouragement for those of us truly wanting to adopt, and espcially those of us wanting to adopt a younger child or wanting to take in only one child at a time.  We were basically told repeatedly to ‘lower our expectations.’

The second class was more informative.  We watched a program made by a woman who grew up in foster care, but then lost custody of her own children.  She later went on to pull her life together and now parents her youngest child successfully.  She now works with women in jail who would like to turn their lives around.   After the film we spent some time talking about attachment – how to help your foster child attach to you, and you to your child.  Although the information is important to a child at any age, their emphasis is very clearly on school age to teenage kids.

I first found out about Pathways through a friend (and former coworker) who recently went through the same program in San Antonio (about an hour and a half south of Austin).  She said her experience was far different.  In San Antonio, they emphasize foster-to-adopt and adoption.  There is an abundance of Hispanic teen pregnancies, and apparently there is a high influx of infants that go on to be adopted by their foster families (they boast a high foster adoption rate).  I guess it’s just the area we are in, but it’s strange to me that an hour and a half distance makes such a difference.

I do appreciate that Pathways here in Austin is trying to be clear about their needs and what our expectations should be.  We have changed our expectations to a degree – we are open to two instead of only one, in the case that there are siblings needing placement.  However, we do still feel firm on our maximum age of 2.  We feel it’s the right fit for our family and for our experience.  And we still want to focus on adoption rather than solely fostering.  We will be honest about this with Pathways, and I’m sure they’ll let us know if they feel we are not the right fit for them.  But for now, we’ll keep pushing the door open in case the Lord chooses to add to our family this way.

In the meantime, we’ve got our application completed and submitted.  The house is clean, sorted and organized.  We still need to take CPR classes to be certified and it’s time to get my car inspected again.  I need to get two new tires before inspection, and we need to buy a bunch of magnetic locks for the cabinets and get them installed.  I need to schedule a fire inspection.  Every time I think I’ve licked it, something new pops up to get done!  We’ll get there, though.  One bit at a time.

On the FET front – we are good to go next time I start my period, as long as the check from United gets here!  Damn, I wish we could just get that done.  It’s driving me crazy waiting.  It’s been a YEAR that we’ve been applying for our refund!  I’m SOOO ready for it, though.  Ready to go, ready to be excited!  We have four embryos that will be split into two transfers of two each, assuming they thaw successfully.  If they don’t, I want to put however many are left into one transfer.  I don’t want to have a transfer of only one embryo.  I am ready now to reach the end of this particular leg of our journey, to grieve the loss of any future genetically related children (something we’ve already been doing as we’ve gone through the foster-to-adopt program), and move on to embryo adoption.



3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Myndi
    Feb 13, 2013 @ 20:38:24

    First, I want to say, kudos to you on the foster to adopt front. Obviously because of the hysterectomy, it is no longer possible for me to bear children, and right now, it’s hard to imagine adding to our family, but foster to adopt is something I’ve always played with in my mind. Not sure it will ever be for us, we have our hands so full right now, it’s hard to imagine adding more children into the mix, but still the thought floats in and out from time to time.

    Because there are no guarantees, it is a brave approach. When they were talking about creating attachment, I’m curious how they recommend you prepare for a separation if they are returned to their family. I imagine that would be really, really difficult.

    I hope that something comes up for you that fits. Maybe it will mean you will have to wait longer, but when they do call you, you’ll know it’s probably going to be long-term, likely to be permanent.

    Insurance! Man, they say they cover something and then they make you jump through hoops to give you what you are owed. How do they get away with that kind of crap?

    Can’t wait to hear about the FET! Yeah for progress of any kind!

    And I remember that feeling, just wanting to know what your path is going to be so that you can move on and get past it. If it’s to be, great! If not, you just want to know so that you don’t feel stuck in the wait. I have faith that it will all work itself out for you, but man…the waiting never ceases to suck.


  2. Another Dreamer
    Feb 13, 2013 @ 22:13:19

    You have a lot going on! But in a good way, I think 🙂 I hope that the classes continue going well and that the refund goes through so you can move forward.


  3. leslijean
    Feb 22, 2013 @ 08:37:24

    When we attended our first foster care class, we left feeling very discouraged because we had also been told that adopting younger children would not happen. That class was the orientation offered by the state, so we decided to attend an orientation by a child placing agency (Arrow) and felt completely different. They stressed to us that narrowing our requirements of the children we felt we could serve in our home wouldn’t make it impossible, it just might mean we would wait longer for that placement. And while we didn’t get a placement in the first few weeks or anything like that, 6 months later we had an 18 month-old and a one month-old in our home. 🙂


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