A Little Break

Friday’s follow-up appointment went well.  Still nothing seen on the ultrasound as far as the ectopic goes, and my HCG went from the 600’s to the 400’s.  The ultrasound showed no more bleeding into the abdomen or Fallopian tube.  Dr. Silverberg assured me I won’t need another MTX shot, which was a relief.  Physically, just some mild cramping, over all I feel soooo much better.

Emotionally, still struggling, but better.  Mostly I am just so, so sad.  The longing for another seems so deep, so hard to rise above, like I’m under water in a murky lake.  Silly, I know.  I’m still struggling to understand why my prayers were answered with such a hard, aggressive ‘no’.  I’m struggling to see the lesson, mostly I just feel beaten down and heart broken.  He has hurt my heart.  I know I’m moving past it every day, with every prayer, but just as in a marriage, this is a hurt that will always leave a scar in my relationship with Him.

My dad goes back to his cardiologist in Houston next month for his 6 month follow-up (he had stints put in 6 months ago).  The doctor feel fairly sure dad will end up needing open heart surgery, but we are hoping things will have improved and he won’t need it.

My folks are still struggling to connect at their church, and relationships with other church leaders and the congregation haven’t improved much.  I think in the end, they’re just not the right match.  Dad has been looking for ministerial work in our area for years, but nothing has opened up.  Unfortunately, it seems like he’s going to have to find something fast.  On top of the work issues, their landlord has come home from deployment and is hoping to get married and move back into their house, so it looks like they’re going to have to move soon.

We’ve talked about trying to get a larger house together for both our families to live together.  It would really be the best thing for Davie (she is so attached to my parents), and now is the best time to try, while Dad is still officially employed.  Mom also has income from us and my brother for doing our childcare.  We’ve been talking to a friend who is a realtor, and it’s a possibility Dad can use his VA loan.  Troy’s dad died from exposure to agent orange in the military, and his VA home loan passed to Troy, so we’re also looking into that.

Troy, Davie and I are 100% stoked that my folks would consider living with us.  I’m sure my folks would prefer a little more peace and privacy, but I think we can try to give them space and make it a good situation.  But I’m so afraid it won’t work out – it’s hard for people with perfect credit and higher incomes to get approved for a home loan, much less the lot of us.  It’s hard to get too hopeful about it, but being close together is something we have prayed for for almost a decade now. 

Couponing is going great!  It’s my favorite hobby ever, and I’ve tried a bunch of them!  I got pretty behind while I was going thru surgery/recovery, but I’m almost caught up with organizing them.  Last night I tried a short trip to Walmart, and I got 9 packages of turkey bacon, 5 cans of Spot Shot and 2 jugs of Purex for free!  After coupons, my total was $0.00!  Woot!  I have a bigger trip planned for Thursday or Saturday night.

I’ve been doing pretty well on watching calories, and in the last two weeks I’m down 10 lbs exactly (from 247 to 237).  I’ve had a few slip-ups, but overall it’s going well.  I don’t beat myself up, I just do better the next day.

Tonight we’re celebrating my nephew Andon’s 6th birthday, so I’m off to enjoy hot dogs and cake (ok, just a hot dog for me *sigh*)!

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Another Dreamer
    Sep 26, 2012 @ 21:17:39

    I’m glad the numbers are going down, but sorry you’re still going through this. I know it’s going to be a long and hard process dealing with the emotionally aspects. My thoughts are with you there hun.

    Congrats on the weight loss! That’s great. I know it isn’t easy, but progress is progress 🙂

    I hope that the home situation works out. And that the appt for your dad goes well too.

    Reply

  2. Low Fat Lady
    Oct 02, 2012 @ 15:18:05

    I’m sorry your having a hard time. I have been thinking of you! great job on the weight loss!

    Reply

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