Not Our Time

The blood test came back negative.

A day later, I’ve just begun to bleed. 

Five babies have died inside me in less than two months.

I don’t know why, I really thought this time was the time.  The blasts were were the strongest of the bunch.  They were already hatching. 

We have two more tries, and we’ll start again in January or February.  That’s not far away.  But I need to get through the holidays first, take a breath, process.  I know the spirit will eventually rally, but for now, the heart is broken.

 

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31 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Stacey
    Nov 05, 2011 @ 20:43:41

    Oh, Stacey, I’m so sorry. My heart aches for you. I hope third time is the charm for a little brother or sister for Davie. Hug her tight… xo

    Reply

  2. Hope
    Nov 05, 2011 @ 22:05:43

    SO Sorry!

    Reply

  3. Jana
    Nov 05, 2011 @ 22:16:39

    Hi Stacey, LOOOOONG time since we’ve talked! I am praying especially for you and Troy today. I found your blog b/c you looked at mine! I spent alot of time this morning catching up on your news through your blog. You will be in my thoughts alot now that I’ve read your blog. Oh Stacey, I’m so sorry for your recent news. Please know I’m praying for you!

    Reply

    • iamstacey
      Nov 06, 2011 @ 16:30:27

      Hello, my friend, it’s so good to hear from you! I thought my comment on your blog was generic so it wouldn’t link back to my blog. Sorry about that! I started this blog as a diary, not realizing there’s such a wonderful community of women supporting each other through infertility. Sometimes my thoughts and emotions are very raw. My family knows I keep a diary and Troy reads from time to time, but my folks and family don’t read it or look for it. I’d appreciate it if you don’t mention it on Facebook as I write pretty freely about family and work.
      It’s a hard journey but I hope I am learning to walk through it more gracefully! God has been so good to us, we are so richly blessed with Davie, our work and extended family.
      It’s been wonderful to catch up on your family through your blog, too! Your boys are just beautiful. 🙂 Please pass on my love to your parents. And feel free to stop by any time! I’ll be checking up on you, too, now that I know you have a blog!

      Reply

  4. MrsB
    Nov 05, 2011 @ 22:38:50

    Sorry to hear this transfer didn’t work either. Before you know it Jan/Feb will be here and hopefully it will bring a BFP with it. It would make a wonderful start to the new year!

    Reply

    • iamstacey
      Nov 06, 2011 @ 16:32:09

      It would be! I’m ready to take this little break to enjoy the holidays with Davie. I’m sure by the time the new year rolls around, we’ll be ready to try again!

      Reply

  5. Another Dreamer
    Nov 05, 2011 @ 23:15:18

    Oh Stacey, I am so so sorry (*HUGS*)

    Reply

  6. sunflowerchilde (Stacey)
    Nov 05, 2011 @ 23:18:35

    I’m so so sorry. I was really hoping and praying for you, and I’m sad things didn’t work out this time. I hope you can find some serenity with Davie and the rest of your family during the holiday season and start anew in the New Year feeling rested and ready for the next try.

    Reply

    • iamstacey
      Nov 06, 2011 @ 16:34:27

      Your prayers mean so much, thank you so much for pulling for us. You’re right, spending the holidays focused on Davie and family are just what we need. Hopefully next year will be our time.

      Reply

  7. Christy
    Nov 06, 2011 @ 10:36:59

    Oh, no. Oh, honey. I’m just so sorry. Breathe, my sweet friend. We’re here for you. Sending love, prayers, and hugs.

    Reply

  8. linds
    Nov 06, 2011 @ 10:52:49

    Ugh!!! No! I had such high hopes for you this cycle. I really thought this was it for you guys this time too! So disappointing. 😦 I am glad you still have two more tries in the New Year and good for you for getting back on the horse. Thinking of you. xoxo

    Reply

  9. Sweet Georgia
    Nov 06, 2011 @ 11:34:24

    I am so sorry to read this update. It is good that you have two more tries. Be kind to yourself in the meantime.

    Reply

  10. emily
    Nov 06, 2011 @ 15:33:31

    HUGS

    Reply

  11. Txgirl
    Nov 06, 2011 @ 15:40:55

    I’m so sorry! Best wishes for the next round. 🙂

    Reply

  12. katery
    Nov 06, 2011 @ 16:49:03

    oh no, stacey, i am so sorry… my hear breaks for you and your hubby. i hope you can find some peace and look ahead to the next transfer that will surely result in a bfp.

    Reply

  13. Kari
    Nov 07, 2011 @ 00:40:53

    (((HUGS)))

    Reply

  14. Pie
    Nov 07, 2011 @ 10:35:39

    Damn, I’m sorry. I think its a good plan to take the holidays off – enough going on then, for sure – and I wish you a ll the best for the next cycles.

    Reply

  15. Ashley
    Nov 09, 2011 @ 17:57:37

    I am so sorry, this really sucks. This holiday will be so wonderful with Davie so hopefully you will really enjoy it and be rested and ready to cycle again. Hang in there girl!

    Reply

  16. Low Fat Lady
    Nov 10, 2011 @ 19:29:32

    *hugs* I am sorry

    Reply

  17. birds and squirrels
    Nov 11, 2011 @ 15:55:56

    Oh Stacey, I am so sorry. I was so hoping that this FET would be it for you. Many hugs to you.

    Reply

  18. Myndi
    Nov 12, 2011 @ 03:13:16

    Stacey, I don’t even know what to say. I truly remember how that feels, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Thinking of you.

    Reply

  19. Aisha
    Nov 14, 2011 @ 23:33:59

    I’m late to this, was out of town. Oh Stacey. I’m so sorry. So sorry. Those words are inadequate but I hope you know we are all rooting for you and have hope for you– and right now, we are all sad for you. **hugs**

    Reply

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