FET is Almost Here

FET #1 is almost here!  I went in for a lining check last Wednesday, and they declared me ready to go!  The doctor said I had a little leeway in chosing the day of the transfer, so when I went to check out with the nurse, I asked for Thursday.  Thursday is the easiest all around – my mom would be coming into town anyways to bring Davie home, she’d be here to watch Davie and to drive me to and from the FET (Troy is out of time off), and my boss had arranged for coverage for me on Thursday.  But when I went to check out, the IVF nurse was adamant that the transfer HAD to be Wednesday.  I tried to explain my reasoning to her, but she kept tapping on the schedule and saying that it had to be Wednesday.  After all the money and time we had put into this so far, I wanted everything to be perfect so I finally agreed to Wednesday.

I immediately texted my boss after the appointment to let her know the date would be Wednesday.  I had been telling her from the beginning that the date would be tentative until the last minute.  I explained repeatedly to her that the very nature of fertility treatments is that there is a lot of waiting followed by frantic activity, and unfortunately, there are a lot of different factors that all have to come together at the last minute.  She seemed to understand, and I have to say, she has been very supportive and understanding of our efforts to build a family.  But for some reason, this change in the plan was just too much for her.  She asked that I call back and reschedule for Thursday.

Friday morning I had a progesterone level drawn very early, then took my first dose of Crinone and headed to work.  As soon as the fertility office opened, I called and made my request.  It turns out, once the first dose of Crinone is taken, the transfer HAS to be EXACTLY six days later.  So – the FET could have been scheduled for Thursday, and I would’ve simply started the Crinone Saturday instead of Friday.  I have NO idea why that IVF nurse INSISTED I have the FET on Wednesday.  All I would’ve had to do was start the Crinone one day later!  But since I had taken the first dose (per her instructions), the FET has to be this Wednesday. 

I called my boss to let her know, and she came unglued.  She told me she wasn’t going to approve the day off.  There’s no one else off that day, so I have no idea why it was a problem, other than that she likes to have things set in stone.  In her mind, it was always going to be Thursday, and it just drove her crazy that it had to be changed to a day earlier, although I had told her from the very beginning – for a frickin’ MONTH now – that the date was TENTATIVE!  I really wish I had just kept the whole thing a secret and just called in sick on Wednesday.  But with the IVF last month, I did the secrecy thing and it was difficult to keep it up, so I decided to go with honesty this time.

By 4pm, another IVF nurse, the surgery co-ordinator, called to tell me that the FET thaw order had been officially issued for next week.  It wasn’t until 5pm that my boss finally emailed to tell me that she had approved Wednesday off.  It was the longest, most stressful hour – it felt like 10 hours.  At least that’s all settled now and I can start looking forward to this Wednesday.

One more hurdle to get through before then:  going back to the dentist.  I was still having so much pain in my jaw I went back to the dentist last Monday to have it checked out.  He thinks I might end up needing a root canal in the tooth where he just filled the cavity, but he decided to try a week of antibiotics first.  While he was checking things out, he found THREE more cavities in my top teeth, right above the tooth that just had the cavities filled.  Argh.  I’m going to go in on Tuesday after work to have the top cavities filled.  After that, I’ll wait until we take the pregnancy test to decide if we need to go through with a root canal or not. 

I’m just dreading this with all my heart.  For some reason, I’m really struggling with visits to the dentist.  I just do not handle oral pain very well.  Having the cavities filled is torture, much less a root canal.  If it turns out I do have to have a root canal, I’m going to ask about their sedation dentistry (of course, this depends on if I’m pregnant or not).  I’m just really not handling the dental treatments very well, although I know they’re for the best.

We had a great weekend!  The weather has been beautiful!  It’s finally getting a little cooler.  Mom bought Davie two new hats, one with matching gloves.  PopPop took her for a walk, and she didn’t mind the hats at all – but the mittens drove her nuts!  She was determined to eat them off.

panda hat with pom poms!

 

I will eat these gloves off if it's the last thing I do!

 

Saturday mom gave Davie a bath in the sink.  She had a blast splashing everywhere!  Then we took her to have pictures taken at Penney’s.  The little stinker would NOT smile!  Saturday night Troy and I had fun just rolling around on the floor and playing with her.  She’s getting so long – I didn’t realize ’til the next morning, the little sleeper I put on her must’ve been too short, ’cause both of her big toes were poking through the footies on each foot!  Those were the first baby thing I ever bought, I bought that sleeper right when Troy and I first started trying 4 years ago. 

 

footie pajamas, complete with toe vents

 

I don’t know why, I’m also struggling with having much hope for this FET.  I want it so, so badly.  I want our two little embryos to live.  I want them to be normal and healthy.  I want them to hold onto my body and snuggle in for nine months.  I want to add to our family, to have siblings for Davie.  But sometimes I feel like we don’t deserve it.  We aren’t as financially stable as we should be.  We aren’t as spiritually strong as we should be.  I waited too long, started this too late.  But oh, I want my babies to live, to join us in this life.  I want that to be God’s will for us.  I want His will to be done in our lives, and I’m afraid this isn’t His timing, that these two won’t live.  I had such a peace right before we got the BFP for Davie, like I felt God touch me, assure me it was our time, that our prayer had been answered.  I haven’t heard or felt that again.  It makes me afraid for these two little unique beings, these two tiny parts of us.  Please, Lord, grant us life, send us the gift of life that only You can give.

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Christy
    Oct 24, 2011 @ 19:40:26

    I have SO MUCH hope for this FET. So much hope!!!!!! You absolutely deserve to give a sibling to Davie. And here’s the deal-when you start doubting whether or not you should, I usually think of the crackhead/15 yr old/prostitutes and it makes up my mind. 🙂 You’re in my prayers, babe!

    Reply

    • Anonymous
      Oct 24, 2011 @ 20:55:29

      You rock, Christy! I needed a ‘buck up and get with the program’ talk! 🙂 I’m so ready to get our little snowflakes on board!

      Reply

  2. Anonymous
    Oct 24, 2011 @ 20:55:58

    damn, I’m anonymous on my own blog again.

    Reply

  3. sunflowerchilde (Stacey)
    Oct 24, 2011 @ 22:58:46

    OMG, Davie is SUCH a cutie! I love the pics. By the way, mine both had toes poking through a bunch of pairs of PJs, I suspect it also has to do with toenails that are a tad too long.

    I agree with Christy, you deserve to have another baby. I’m sorry about all the stress that’s going on with your boss and the clinic, though, that just sucks. Don’t let it all get you down, though, you never know what will happen.

    Reply

    • iamstacey
      Oct 26, 2011 @ 22:06:05

      lol toenails could be it, too! 🙂 that, and a lot of crawling on tile!

      I know things will work out with my boss. I just always feel bad letting her down or frustrating her. 😦

      Reply

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