Someone Stop Me, Please

I did a pee test early this morning.  To my blurry eyes, it was negative, so I put it on the nightstand and laid back down.  Fifteen minutes later, Davie woke up.  I picked up the test, and lo and behold, a pale, faint line.  Mom and Troy said they could see it too.  Of course, it was after the official test time, and it’s still two days early.

But still, I started wondering, why is it so faint?  Is it really a positive?

So I drew my blood at work and retested.  The line is still faint, maybe even fainter than the morning test.  Wouldn’t serum from 9 hours later make a darker line than pee from the morning?

I hate to put it in writing … I’m suspecting chemical pregnancy.  Hope followed by complete and utter dashing of hope, crushing disappointment.  Been there, done that.  The cycle was so, so perfect.  So many mature eggs, so many fertilized, a perfect blast and two other great embryos put back.  I took all my meds, right on time, every time.  The only thing I might have done wrong was pick up Davie too much on the Thursday after embryo transfer on Monday.  I was pretty careful, though. 

Troy asked, why don’t our babies stick?  Aren’t they supposed to burrow into the lining of you?  I don’t know, I wish I knew, I don’t understand it either.

When I hold Davie, I know she’s enough.  I can be happy the rest of my life, just the three of us.  But down here in the trenches, it’s still hard not to be … crushed, confused … and sad.  My babies still died inside me.

Two more days until it’s official.  Wednesday will tell the story.  Wednesday is a lifetime away.


10 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Wombded
    Sep 26, 2011 @ 20:29:44

    Hey, don’t give up just yet. Hold on a couple more days and see what the beta is. I know just how hard all of this is. I’m thinking of you often and praying for success. Deep breath. ((((HUGS))))


  2. mothernatureschmature
    Sep 26, 2011 @ 21:42:08

    I know how long of a wait it can be. My fingers are crossed. I know they can be the longest, scariest days ever. Does it ever get easier? Hugs.


  3. birdsandsquirrels
    Sep 26, 2011 @ 21:59:07

    It is still early. Don’t give up hope just yet! I know the wait is so awful, and I am thinking of you guys.


  4. sunflowerchilde (stacey)
    Sep 27, 2011 @ 00:22:34

    I say it’s not over until it’s over, and you’re still two days from knowing anything real. I know how hard it is, I wish I could make the wait easier. Try to hang in there as best as you can!


  5. Pie
    Sep 27, 2011 @ 09:04:27

    I echo everyone else – it is not over til the blood draw makes you cringe. A pee line is something, and if you are testing early, AND at off/different times of the day, it may just be too early to consistently pick up levels. Did you test at work? With blood?

    Hang in there, the wait is almost over!


  6. emily
    Sep 27, 2011 @ 09:29:42

    hugs!! still crossing everything for you!


  7. Ashley
    Sep 27, 2011 @ 10:41:49

    I would say even a very faint line at this point is a big deal. I took a pee test the night before my beta and 7dp5dt and it was very faint, almost not there at all and I have healthy twins! I think it’s an amazing sign that you already can even see a line. In fact, I’m truly terrified for you that you will have triplets. 🙂


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