Aargh

I’ve started to bleed, just a little.  Enough to use a panty liner, one during the day and one at night, and it’s far from soaked.  It’s mostly gritty brown residue.  I think it’s old blood mixed with the Crinone.  I don’t know what it means, if anything.  I know I bled more than that when I did IVF before (got pregnant but miscarried), and again with the IUI where I was pregnant with Davie. 

I know women bleed and are still pregnant.  Still, I was so happy that I hadn’t bled so far.  It’s still hard to see.

I did a urine pregnancy test Friday night and it was negative.  It was only 4 days after the 5 day transfer, so I know it was too soon.  And it was just a random urine sample, not a first morning one.  I might take a serum test on Monday when I get to work, if I can do it without my co-worker noticing.

I swore I wouldn’t cheat, though.  I didn’t cheat when I got pregnant with Davie.  Should I wait ’til official test day, on Wednesday?  Or is it ok to check on Monday?  If it’s positive, I’ll be thrilled, but worried I might miscarry again like I did with our first IVF.  If it’s negative, I’ll just rationalize it away, like I am now. 

Aargh.

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11 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Amber
    Sep 25, 2011 @ 18:03:07

    Women who haven’t been through infertility have NO idea how excruciating this wait is. And my friends like to offer “advice” that it’s going to be easier for me this time around because at least I already have Paisley. They clearly don’t get it still.

    I’ve always waited for the test, but only because I’m a huge chicken and like to pretend things are great as long as possible. But whatever you decide to do will be perfect. Crossing my fingers!!!

    Reply

    • iamstacey
      Sep 25, 2011 @ 20:21:01

      I know, all my family kept telling me that now that we’ve had Davie, we’ll just “get pregnant.” You know, the ol’, “just relax!” Argh, again.

      Reply

  2. Sweet Georgia
    Sep 25, 2011 @ 19:00:17

    I would be very tempted to test, but I would most likely wait for the beta. I just hate hpts and have never seen a positive one. I’d rather not know than see the stark white nothingness of a negative.

    Reply

  3. Sweet Georgia
    Sep 25, 2011 @ 19:01:09

    Oh and I’m sorry you are bleeding. If it is indeed brownish and just a little it could very well be implantiation bleeding. I hope that whatever you decide that you will have success!

    Reply

  4. iamstacey
    Sep 25, 2011 @ 20:22:06

    Thanks, Georgia. I’m hoping it’s implantation bleeding, or just minor bleeding like I had when I was first pregnant with Davie. Really, I wish it would just stop! I wish it was Wednesday already!

    Reply

  5. Christy
    Sep 25, 2011 @ 20:23:44

    I hate this for you! I hate the waiting! HATE IT! I’m so sorry. My fingers, eyes, toes, arms, legs, etc. are crossed wishing for luck for you.
    xoxo

    Reply

  6. Txgirl
    Sep 25, 2011 @ 21:16:51

    Dang-I had that type of bleeding also with our successful IVF, so hope that’s all it means with you too. And I’m one of those who have absolutely no patience waiting for a beta. I’d rather know at home on my own. But I can understand wanting to wait for beta results too. I just couldn’t do that myself. I’m soooo keeping my fingers crossed for y’all!!

    Reply

  7. Another Dreamer
    Sep 25, 2011 @ 21:55:06

    Hoping that it’s implantation bleeding. I know, it’s scary anyway 😦 I had gritty stuff when I did Crinone too, it really irritated my cervix (I was also bleeding from my SCH though, so that was a mess). Hope you get good news, wish I could advise you on testing. Waiting is always a good idea (but I myself have never been very patient and have always tested early!).

    Reply

  8. Jenny
    Sep 25, 2011 @ 23:20:26

    I had some bleeding with our successful IUI, so don’t count anything out yet! Bleeding isn’t necessarily a bad thing at all. But you know this (in your head), but right now you’re in the horrible waiting period where all us infertility gurus lose our brains and are just worried!! 🙂 Hang in there!

    I would suggest you don’t test b/c I’m like you – I could rationalize a negative but would be terrified over a positive. And I don’t know that I’d really believe a positive until the blood test anyway! I KNOW the wait sucks big time, but do everything in your power not to test. That’s just my 2 cents! 🙂

    Good luck! I’ll keep my fingers crossed too!

    Reply

  9. linds
    Sep 26, 2011 @ 18:04:52

    Waiting is the WORST!! What did you decide to do?? Know that I am thinking of you and hoping for you. Fingers are crossed over here! And I like the sounds of implantation bleeding!

    Reply

  10. iamstacey
    Sep 26, 2011 @ 18:38:13

    Thanks, everybody! It helps to know you all are out there rooting for me!

    Reply

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