Back on the Bandwagon

I’m still grieving letting go of breastfeeding.  Even though I got less milk everyday, and the pumping was difficult to get done during the work day, it was worth it for the time I got to spend breastfeeding Davie in the mornings and at night.  But then Davie started losing interest, and would go a day or two at a time without nursing.  By the end, even if I pumped all day long I only got about an ounce and a half, total.

I’ve been so surprised that since I gave it up, I’m still producing a little milk.  I know it’ll be gone any day now, but twice Davie and curled up against me and has nursed.  It was a sweet surprise and I’ve loved it.  If we weren’t going to try to have another baby, I would’ve just kept pumping until it completely gave out on its own.

I gave up pumping last weekend, and called my IVF nurse Amanda at the Texas Fertility Clinic on Tuesday (I was still too sad about stopping pumping to make the call on Monday).  I had some baseline bloodwork done.  Once they got the results, Amanda called in a presciption to help me start a period.  Once I start having a period, I think I start birth control.  On day three I will have some bloodwork done, and for that, I can’t have any breast stimulation for at least 24 hours before the blood draw.  So I figure Davie and I have ’til then to breastfeed when she wants to, if I still have milk.

All of the sudden, life seems overwhelming.  Letting go of breastfeeding and starting to TTC #2.  Spending every minute with Davie that I can while working two jobs.  Dealing with her being gone to my mom’s a couple of nights every week.  Wanting desperately to get a new job within the company I work for now that will let me stop working the 2nd job (I elaborated on this in the post below, and you can email me for the password if you wanna read it at Daisy6671@aol.com).  Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed, I feel like I can’t breathe.

Things are hopeful, though.  As hard as it is to stop breastfeeding, it’s so exciting to start trying for a baby.  I so desperately want the new position at my job, I’m praying about it all day long.  Please say a prayer for me!  My kitty of 15 years, Lila, has been a little listless lately.  I noticed her nose was a bit crusty today.  If she doesn’t look perkier by next Friday (my day off), I’ll take her to the vet.  She is my first baby girl, my little heart.  Lastly, my Dad has applied for positions at two churches here in the Austin area.  We are praying with all our might that he will find a new church to pastor in this area.  With them here closer to us, we could drop off and pick up Davie every day.  I need that.  Our family needs it.  We need to be together.  We need each other.

For a girl who hates change, this is a lot to take in.  I’m trying to focus and take it one day at a time.  It’s a challenge.

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Ashley
    Jul 24, 2011 @ 20:05:18

    Good luck with your IVF cycle! I’m sorry you are having such a hard time letting go of breastfeeding. I’ll keep my fingers crossed you get the job you want (I am desperately doing the same thing for myself).

    Reply

  2. Katie
    Jul 25, 2011 @ 13:14:36

    That is a lot. Just try to take things one at a time, and focus on the good to help with the stress of it all!

    Reply

  3. MrsB
    Jul 25, 2011 @ 21:26:28

    Wow you’ve got a lot going on. I hope you get the new position at your job, you have great success on your first post baby IVF and that your dad gets a position closer to you so Davie won’t have to be gone on such long over visits…I know that has to be hard.

    Reply

  4. Hope
    Aug 03, 2011 @ 20:04:12

    I’m always jealous when you talk about breastfeeding, I have HATED it. We’re still doing it, but my milk supply is going down. I’m torn on whether or not to take the medicine to increase it (again) I really really wish I had loved it as much as you. Anyways, it is exiting to think about trying for #2!

    Reply

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