17 Weeks

Davie is now just over four months old!  I can’t believe how much she has changed.  It seems like she learns something new every day.  She is “finding her voice” – just three days ago she started squealing at the top of her lungs, then giggling.  It’s fun to make loud noises on purpose! 

Breastfeeding and our child-care arrangement with my mom are still challenges.  I miss Davie so badly during the two nights she’s at my mom’s, but I still feel good about her being with them.  I always feel a little at a loss the day she comes home, like I’ve forgotten all I knew about taking care of her during those two days.  I feel like I have to get to know her again and regain my confidence.

Even though my milk supply has always been pathetic, breastfeeding has been a wonderful way for Davie and I to reconnect.  But lately, although she seems to want it (she nuzzles), at the same time it frustrates her.  I’m sure she can sense that there’s not much milk there.  The only time it really works for us is if her tummy is already full, and she’s sleepy and just wants to nurse herself to sleep.  Which is wonderful – I love holding her while she drifts to sleep in my arms, but I really miss being able to soothe her by just whipping out a boob.

At the same time, I’m gradually producing less milk.  It seems obvious that when we start trying for a second next month, it’ll be time to let nursing go.  It’s going to go soon on it’s own, either by my stopping producing milk or by Davie not wanting to nurse anymore.  But at the same time, I just love the closeness of it so much.  It breaks my heart to think of the last time I will ever nurse her.  What if it’s the last time I ever get to nurse a baby at all?  Even if we’re lucky enough to have a second, I know I’ll regret giving up nursing Davie.  It’s hard, I’m struggling with it.

On the “trying for #2 topic” – a couple of weeks ago, I felt achy in the ovarian area on both sides so Troy and I did the ol’ baby dance for a few days.  I know it’s not likely it’s going to happen this way for us, but I just couldn’t help making the ol’ TTC effort, ya know?  I don’t make eggs unless I take Gonal F, I don’t ovulate without Ovidrel, I have a blocked tube.  The odds just aren’t on our side.  But then, it does happen for some infertiles, that elusive lucky break.  So why not go for it?

Of course, I was disappointed but not surprised when I started spotting three days ago.  But then, it was incredibly light and only lasted half a day, so then the ol’ “could-it-be-implantation-bleeding” hope kicked in, damn it.  I got two days of hope, then this morning, I started spotting again – only once again, it only lasted 1/2 a day and has already stopped. 

I have no f’in idea what’s going on, but I have the feeling we’re not going to hit the IF lotto.  This has helped me realize how much I want to have a second, though.  I want so much for Davie to have a sibling.  Even Troy, who always felt one was all he wanted, now has no doubt he wants another.

So the next full period, it’s TTC Game On.  I just have to find a way to say goodbye to how much I love breastfeeding my sweet girl.

Mom ‘n Dad have been keeping the boys during their summer break.  They love Davie and have spoiled her rotten!  They drag her bouncy seat around to wherever they are playing.  Mom said Cayle spent the whole morning explaining trains to Davie while they set up the track.  It looks like she’s really listening to him!

Nana's kitchen or railyard?

 
Watching Agent Ozo with Andon

Already lovin' TV

 
Concentrating so hard on figuring out her Baby Enstien activity seat
 

I figured this out faster than daddy figured out how to put it together!

 
Baby Bug napping on daddy’s shoulder
 

all snuggled up

 
My favorite time of day
 

 

 

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15 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Amber
    Jul 03, 2011 @ 10:21:00

    I thought that it would be terrible when I stopped breastfeeding Paisley, but it really went smoothly. She actually just quit doing it one day so I luckily didn’t know it would be the last time, but we still have plenty of sweet cuddle time! I’m a bit jealous of your two nights a week without Davie. I know it must be hard, but how wonderful to have time with just you and your husband. I sure do miss that!

    Reply

    • iamstacey
      Jul 07, 2011 @ 09:02:42

      I have to admit, as much as I miss her, I do appreciate having two nights to get all the laundry and house-cleaning done – or to just go to bed early! 🙂

      Reply

  2. katery
    Jul 03, 2011 @ 10:42:36

    she is such a sweetie 🙂

    Reply

  3. linds
    Jul 03, 2011 @ 11:43:01

    I ;m excited for your Game On Plan!! Here’s to hoping it will happen quickly for you – are you going to do IUI with injectables or go straight to IVF? Good luck to you and enjoy the last little while breastfeeding Davie. 🙂

    Reply

    • iamstacey
      Jul 07, 2011 @ 09:04:12

      Since we got lucky with Davie and had her by IUI, I thought we’d try that first. But we had a consultation with the RE, and I think for my age it’d be best to go straight to IUI. Ovarian reserve drops off sharply between 40 and 43, so I think we better go for the big guns right away!

      Reply

  4. Pie
    Jul 04, 2011 @ 08:47:15

    I love the pics, she is such a snuggle bunny. 🙂

    Just an FYI, you may not get a not a “normal” period while you are still BFing. Even after I stopped altogether, it took like 5-6 weeks to get a real one – before that I had some light spotting here and there, but nothing definite. It’s exciting to think about going for #2!!

    Reply

  5. Ashley
    Jul 04, 2011 @ 22:44:40

    I hate that little hope in the back of my mind that maybe I might be one of those lucky IF lotto winners. Good luck TTC #2!

    Reply

  6. Aisha
    Jul 06, 2011 @ 22:17:47

    What a cutie!!!!!! And TTC 2. Sigh not easy to think about it but like you said you have to if you want a second. Good luck to you may the journey be easier this next time.

    Reply

    • iamstacey
      Jul 07, 2011 @ 09:06:36

      I hope it’s easier! Both the getting pregnant part – ’cause we only have three more tries – and the pregnancy part! If we’re lucky enough to get pregnant again, I hope I can relax and enjoy it a little more this time.

      Reply

  7. Katie
    Jul 07, 2011 @ 12:03:24

    She is getting so big!

    Reply

  8. birdsandsquirrels
    Jul 13, 2011 @ 13:26:11

    She is so adorable! And she is growing so fast! I know it must be hard to be away from her those days. Hell, my in laws came and took Birdie for like three hours the other day and I cried when they drove away, like an irrational “please keep my baby safe” cry. It is something I can’t even explain to my husband, that ache for your baby when they are away from you, even if you need a break!

    Reply

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