After Memorial Day

Memorial Day was wonderful.  We spent it at my brother and SIL’s, alternatively hanging by the pool, eating and watching movies.  It was such a fun, relaxing day.  Since mom and dad came down for the day, it made sense for them to go ahead and take Davie back with them.  Normally, Mom would take her home Tuesday afternoon, anyways, and bring her back Thursday afternoon.  Tuesdays have been hard mornings – I love breastfeeding her and snuggling with her, but then I’d kiss her goodbye and shed a tear or two on the way to work.  But then the work day would sweep me away, Wednesdays would fly by, and by Thursday I’d be missing her like hell but she’d be waiting for me when I got home.

Today is harder, for some reason.  After we got home last night, I just cried and cried.  I finally woke up Troy around midnight, and he was so sweet, just holding me while I cried and missed her.  This morning my heart still feels heavy and I still miss her so badly.  I know she’ll be home Thursday and the next two days will fly by.  And I still want my folks to keep her and no one else.  But I’m struggling … I want my mom to keep her, but I want her with me every night, and the two can’t exist together right now.  My dad is actively job-hunting in this area, but it’s a hard area to break into in his line of business, and at his age it’s hard to find something new. 

I just keep trying to remind myself that this is temporary, it will change and get better.  I don’t know why I’m having such a much harder time today.  I just miss her so much it hurts.  Hurts to breathe.


8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Pie
    May 31, 2011 @ 09:04:19

    (((((hugs)))))) sweetie. It must be so hard being away from her, even if it is for the best, even if she is with your parents. Focus on the positive, if you can, all her happy smiles with your mom, and how glad she’ll be to see you very soon. You’re doing your best, and your best for Davie too.


    • iamstacey
      May 31, 2011 @ 16:54:50

      I really do feel like we’re doing the right thing for her. It’s just so hard! The day at work flew by, though, so I’m a day closer to being back together with her! And mom sent lots of pics on the iPhone. Each pic makes the day better!


  2. My Bumpy Journey
    May 31, 2011 @ 15:14:21

    ((HUGS)) I can’t even imagine how hard that must be. I am glad that your parents are there for you, and hopefully something will happen so you can get closer to each other!



    • iamstacey
      May 31, 2011 @ 16:55:46

      Thanks for the hug, I needed it! 🙂 I’m hoping we’ll be closer togther soon. I have to keep reminding myself, this isn’t for forever, it’s just for a little while!


  3. Low Fat Lady
    May 31, 2011 @ 18:29:40

    *hugs* I’m sorry your having a hard time with this arrangement. I hope it gets better soon.


  4. Jenny
    May 31, 2011 @ 19:35:39

    I know this must be so hard. We only have spent the night away from Caleb about a month ago when he was 1 yr old. I’m so impressed with your arrangement and your strength for it. Its going to be hard…but think about it this way, if you were around Davie all the time, there would be times that you would cry too, just because you might be at your wit’s end! 🙂 I think some crying just comes with the territory as a mom!

    It’s amazing that you have such wonderful parents to watch her so that you guys can get back to work. Hang in there and remember its only temporary.

    Hugs to you!


    • iamstacey
      Jun 01, 2011 @ 16:37:55

      Thanks for the encouragement, Jenny! You’re so sweet. I think you’re right – there were days during maternity leave when I just didn’t know how to make her happy when I’d just want to cry! This is going to work for us, it’s just an adjustment period right now.


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