Sure to be Controversial Daycare Plan

Well, I think we’ve worked out the baby care issue.  It’s not going to be easy for any of us, but I think it provides the best possible care for Davie.  Troy works Monday thru Friday, and I work Monday thru Thursday.  Mom will come down Sunday night and stay with us ’til Tuesday morning, so we’ll get all day Sunday with her, Monday morning and evening, and Tuesday morning.  After we leave for work Tuesday morning, Mom will take Davie home with her to Gatesville (1 1/2 hr from us).  Mom and Dad will keep her Tuesday night, Wednesday and Thursday.  After work Thursday, I’ll go pick her up in Gatesville.  (Sometimes Mom comes to Austin on the weekends to help my brother, so when she does that she’ll just bring Davie home).  I can spend the night in Gatesville with mom and dad and Davie or I can bring her back home the same evening.   So we’ll have Thursday night together, then we’ll have all day Friday, Saturday and Sunday together, and Monday morning and evening, and Tuesday morning.

So basically, since I’ll be at work during the week, I’ll be missing Tuesday and Wednesday evenings with her and Wednesday and Thursday mornings.  These are a HUGE downside.  And, I worry about her being on the road, even though the drive is just an hour and a half.  I’ll keep pumping while she’s at my folks’ so they’ll have breastmilk to take with them those two days.

The HUGE upside – she’ll be with family at all times.  She’ll always be #1, always be loved, adored and attended to.  No sicknesses to bring home from daycare.  No leaving her with a stranger – no matter how highly recommended – who is also watching 5 to 7 other children. 

Another upside – my Mom and Dad have been going through a really rough time in Gatesville, and Davie will be a huge bright spot in their week.  They just adore her.  And, this situation is most likely temporary.  It will absolutely break my heart to wake up without her two days a week, but dad is already looking for a job in Austin.  My brother and SIL (Chris and JoAnn) are trying for a baby right now, and we’re trying for #2.  If either of us have a baby, Mom will come to Austin full time during the week to keep all her grandchildren.  Chris and JoAnn will pay her for daycare for Chris’ s boys and their new baby (when it gets here :).

Although I’d rather have her with me at all times, another small upside is that we’ll get to sleep all night for two nights of the week.  Maybe even have sex!  Woohoo!  Or see a movie from time to time.  Also, it will allow us to start trying for #2 – those early morning monitoring ultrasounds would be hard if I was having to drop off at daycare first, too.  I’d rather my mom lived here and I could have Davie with me every morning and night of the week,  and I know I’m going to miss her terribly those two nights and mornings so I’m trying to find all the possible silver linings.

So, I feel like the worst mother in the world and deeply relieved at the same time.  There’s nothing I wanted more than to have Davie with my mom instead of with a stranger who is watching several other children at the same time.  I’m so grateful that my mom even wants to keep her!  Not only does she want to, but she’s so excited to!  And so is my dad!  I was so surprised – he was actually the most upset about Davie going to daycare.  When my mom told him we’d worked out a way for her to keep Davie, he was so relieved!  Lastly, my folks have been going through a hard time financially, so the little bit extra will make it just a little easier on them.  I’d rather give the daycare money to family.  It’s like it’s meant to be.

And yet, I’m conflicted.  It hurts to be away from her.  When we’re apart my heart aches so much from missing her I feel like my chest is burning.  But I’ll have to get used to it very soon – I’m just three weeks away from going back to work.  Even if she went to the daycare we were considering, I’d still be away from her while I’m at work.  And I keep reminding myself, it’s temporary, eventually my parents will be living here.  And if it’s too hard, we can re-evaluate and make a new plan if we need to.

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16 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Aisha
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 21:39:03

    These choices are NEVER easy- you’re doing the best you can do your daughter and your choice is created from love- that’s what is important.

    Reply

    • iamstacey
      Apr 23, 2011 @ 00:03:19

      It’s really hard. I just want to be with her all the time. Obviously it would be so much easier if my parents lived here in town, and they’re working on that. I keep reminding myself, it’s just temporary, and we can change our minds.

      Reply

  2. Pie
    Apr 21, 2011 @ 08:11:50

    I think it sounds like a good plan. I couldn’t imagine leaving my girl with strangers either, so I totally get that. And honestly, a few nights “off” will be great for you too! Try it out for a few weeks, you’ll know quickly how well it works for everyone.

    Reply

  3. lifebytheday
    Apr 21, 2011 @ 09:22:00

    I don’t know if I could do that, but I agree that no daycare is worth a little compromising…and you’re right, you can do anything temporarily!!

    Reply

    • iamstacey
      Apr 23, 2011 @ 00:06:11

      I’m so glad my folks want to keep her. I just hope they get to Austin as soon as possible! My dad is sending out resumes and looking for work in the area, but it’s hard at his age.

      Reply

  4. SweetG
    Apr 21, 2011 @ 10:12:29

    Sounds like you have a good plan, it will be difficult, but like you said you can always revisit it if need be.

    Reply

  5. M
    Apr 21, 2011 @ 12:00:39

    I have a daughter the same age and also two other children and have always felt the same. I’m not anti childcare centers but would rather my children be looked after by family, someone who knows and loves them. While I’m not returning to work till November I have my wonderful and fantastic mum helping out. I know she will provide the same love and discipline as me and a that will result in a level of familiarity for my children. Would you ever consider staying over with your mum on the nights your daughter is there also, if you do find the separation too hard for you both?

    Reply

    • iamstacey
      Apr 23, 2011 @ 00:10:33

      I’m so glad you stopped by! Yes, I’m definitely thinking about staying at mom’s on nights I just miss her too much! And I fogot to say this in the post, but we’ll actually be switching off weeks – every other weekend my mom helps my brother with his two kids. On those weeks, she’ll stay with me during the week, and on the opposite weeks, she’ll go home to be with dad. So it’s actually only every other week that Davie will be at my folks’ for two days.

      Reply

  6. Amber
    Apr 21, 2011 @ 15:43:06

    I think that actually sounds like a GREAT plan. As much as I love being with Paisley 24 hours a day, it might be kinda nice to have the time alone with your spouse. You can be a couple again!!!

    Reply

    • iamstacey
      Apr 23, 2011 @ 00:11:56

      Being a couple will definitely be necessary for TTC #2! 🙂 I think it would be easier if she was just a bit older. But, it’s only every other week, and only until my folks can move to Austin. Hopefully it won’t be for long! And, we can change the plan if we need to.

      Reply

  7. Christine
    Apr 22, 2011 @ 12:53:06

    There are definitely pros and cons to any plan. Daycare doesn’t bother me now, but our person is like family at this point. We had a good connection from the get go. You have come up with a great compromise and you will miss her, but you will be so well rested, you’re sure to be better parents when she is with you too!!

    Reply

    • iamstacey
      Apr 23, 2011 @ 00:14:19

      I’m definitely hoping for that! I feel in my heart it’s best for her to be with my mom instead of at daycare, but OMG I miss her every moment we’re apart now, so I can’t imagine how much harder it will be when it’s for longer periods.

      Reply

  8. Stacey
    Apr 23, 2011 @ 22:23:15

    I’ve been stopping by for awhile but I’m so bad at comments!!

    It definitely sounds like a TOUGH choice, but I think it’s great that you guys are doing what is best for YOUR family. It is hard to be away from Colby and I’ve always dreaded it… but really, those nights are so relaxing! 🙂 You have peace of mind that your child is being taken care of by the BEST and you get to SLEEP! What could be better? 🙂 Good luck!

    Reply

    • iamstacey
      Apr 24, 2011 @ 04:28:42

      It’s hard. I keep second-guessing myself! But taking her to a stranger seems harder and like the wrong choice. While taking her to mom’s has cons (the distance), everything else about it seems like the right choice.

      Reply

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