All of my young life I was slim to average size.  Then suddenly around 21, during my last year of college, I begain to gain.  Over the next 5 years, I really ballooned into a plus size girl.  At the time, I thought it was the pressures of leaving college and starting a career, or living in another country from my parents and their support.  But while those things were absolutely a factor, a lot of it was that I was just hungry all the time.  It wasn’t until later in my 30’s I began to eat out of bad habits, like when I’m bored or upset.  I think now the PCOS and hypo-thyroidism I’ve just discovered in the past three years must’ve started around then.

Although I’ve tried to make peace with being who I am and how I am, I’ve always been ashamed underneath to be a big girl.  I made a pact with myself that I’d never let being big keep me from doing the things I wanted to, and to give myself credit, I never let it slow me down.  I still approached a guy I thought was cute, I still hit the beach or went tubing even though it meant wearing a swimsuit, I still went out clubbing with the girls even though I was the ‘big’ girl of the group.  And most of the time, once I pushed through any hesitation, I just forgot about it and was myself.

But I definitely never LOVED my shape, especially my belly.  I’m always very aware of it.  Especially once I had a breast reduction, it was like, whoa, there’s a belly down there!  I could no longer hide it below or distract the opposite sex with massive cleavage.

Even though I seriously suck at losing weight, in the past five years or so, I’ve begun to be happy being who I am.  It doesn’t change my desire to be healthier, but I’m definitely happier with myself.  I owe most of that to dear hubby Troy, who tells me all the time I’m the most beautiful woman in the world (I realize this is next to his all-time obsession, Jessica Alba, of course.  If we had the Ross ‘n Rachel “celebrities-I-can-do-if-I-ever-have-the-chance” list, his would be Jessica Alba, Jessica Alba, and Jessica Alba, in that order.). 

But lately, the strangest thing has happened – I’m not just accepting my stomach, I’m proud of it.  I show it off.  I let people touch it, and I like it.  I fondle and caress it constantly.  I poke at it.  It’s become the most molested part of my body, even as it grows frighteningly large, hard and round.

Now, if only my ass would stop trying to keep up with it.

in scrubs

in my undershirt


12 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. linds
    Dec 15, 2010 @ 00:36:00

    You rub and gloat in that belly all you want! You worked hard to get it!! 🙂


    • iamstacey
      Dec 15, 2010 @ 13:27:24

      It does sound like a gloat, doesn’t it! 😦 I really didn’t mean it that way! It’s so different for me to be fastinated rather than appalled by area. I know it’ll switch back as soon as the baby is born, though!


  2. Sweet G
    Dec 16, 2010 @ 06:09:01

    I’m so glad you posted about this. I have been feeling exactly the same way. I really like my pregnant body which is an added bonus to actually being pregnant after 3 + years of trying!


  3. Txgirl
    Dec 16, 2010 @ 12:45:21

    The belly is beautiful! Update on us-the twins are home –Tommy was in NICU 7 weeks and Chloe was in 9 weeks. Everyone is fine and well, just not getting enough sleep, but we are grateful for no health problems except a bit of reflux. Can’t wait to hear when you have your bundle! Aysha in Austin


    • iamstacey
      Dec 18, 2010 @ 20:29:03

      Hello, Aysha! I’ve been wondering how you were! Wow, what a difference – less than a year ago, we were both sitting in the IVF waiting room. Now you’re home with TWO babies and I’m just a few months away from my first! I don’t think I really believed it would ever happen!

      I’m so glad you all are all home safe and sound! It must’ve been a long two months waiting to have both your babies home with you.


  4. katery
    Dec 17, 2010 @ 07:58:56

    so cute! congratulations!!


  5. Hope
    Dec 21, 2010 @ 20:40:38

    You look so cute! I really want a breast reduction, but I’m scared of 2 things – the scaring and being a fat girl with small boobs! It cracked me up when you said you used to distract the opposite sex with massive boobs! haha!


    • iamstacey
      Dec 22, 2010 @ 13:43:21

      I have to admit, being bigger with smaller boobs took me a while to get used to! 🙂 But I love it and wish I had gone smaller! I was struggling to fit in DDD’s, and I went to a small D. I really, really wish I’d gone with a C! I love how much perkier everything is afterwards!
      Some docs still use the old “anchor” method of reduction, where it leaves an anchor-shaped scar (around the nipple, down the breast, and a bigger scar underneath the breast). But now they use the lollipop method, so there’s no scar underneath the breast at all. Now, 3 years later, my scars are barely visible. They actually just look like a slightly darker line, no bumps or redness at all.
      I posted pics through my breast reduction adventure. I’ll look for the link and send it to ya.


  6. Jess
    Dec 24, 2010 @ 13:32:45

    You are a very BEAUTIFUL Mama to be! My husband feels the same way about my body which is very womanly, lol! 🙂 We’re blessed woman! I had a mini freak out yesterday because I thought who will chose me to adopt their baby because I’m not thin. My husband said I was crazy because I was beautiful!

    Thank you for the sweet email…I am now a follower of your blog!


    • iamstacey
      Dec 24, 2010 @ 19:56:23

      Aw, shucks, thanks! 🙂 We are so lucky to have such awesome men. And you ARE beautiful! You guys are such an adorable couple. I can tell you’re totally smitten with each other! Your adoption pages are perfect! I know there’s just the right baby mama out there waiting for y’all. Thanks for coming by to say hi! I’m so glad you did!


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