A Fairy Tale with No Ending

Once Upon A Time there was a princess named Princess Naive. After many long years of kissing frogs, she was overjoyed to meet her Prince Charming. A few happy years later, they realized a little Princelet or Princesslet would complete their happy family. But as time passed and their attempts to start their family did not bear fruit, they decided to see the help of the Womb Wizards.

Princess Naive promptly checked with the royal coffers at United Insurance to see if they had the wealth to cover the wages which the Womb Wizards wanted to work their womb wizardry. The Prince and Princess were overjoyed to hear that, “all fertility treatments are fully covered, including three attempts at IVF.” Oh joy! Three whole golden eggs, three attempts at IVF!  What magical, wonderful insurance. It seemed too good to be true! They felt so lucky and blessed. And Princess Naive declared that the Prince could never, ever quit his job at Time Warner (’til they held their wee ones in their arms) or else she’d turn him right back into a frog.

The Womb Wizards started with their smallest spells, but no wee ones wriggled their way into the Princess’s womb.  Princess Naive began to keep a journal of her days with her Prince, and their journey to their Happy Ending.  She was so surprised to find an amazing sisterhood of Princesses all over the world who were also seeking the help of Womb Wizards to find their own Happy Endings.  Princess Naive was overjoyed to share her hopes, joys and worries with those who could uniquely understand this particular winding road on the way to Happy Endings. Although Princess Naive usually felt very positive that her Happy Ending was just the right spell away, she tried her best to encourage her IF sisters who shared their feelings of despair and anger at their situations and jealousy of other Princesses who already had their Happy Ending.

The Womb Wizards tried a stronger spell that required the Princess to take injections in the tummy for nights on end, but still no Princelet or Princesslet sprung forth. So for a third time they tried the strongest spell so far, and were shocked to see the Princess’s ovaries finally spring to life – a little too vigorously! For a time they feared that a whole army of little Princesslets and Princelets had been created! But on the last day of the spell the Womb Wizards were saddened to discover that the magic tadpoles that are the essential last step of the spell were in shockingly short supply. The Womb Wizards did what they could, and to this day the Prince and Princess are holding their breath, hoping that their fairy tale will finally have the Happy Ending they so longed for. And although they knew this spell might not work, they did not despair.  They knew there was a greater magic, the Golden Egg of IVF, that the Womb Wizards had not yet tried, and that the royal coffers at United would make it possible for three of those great magic spells to be cast.

Just a couple days after the last day of the spell, the Princess was surprised to hear from the Money Minders at the Womb Wizard’s office. “We wanted to warn you,” they told the Princess, “once we submit the claim for the last minor spell to United, you have no more procedure coverage. Since the spells we’ve used so far are minor magic (IUI’s), they only cost about 550 gold pieces for the tadpole collection and the double IUI’s. But we understand that you’d like to move on to our greater magic (IVF), which costs 12,000 gold pieces. If you’d like, we won’t submit the claim for this last IUI to insurance, so you can still have one IVF Golden Egg left in your basket.”

Princess Naive couldn’t breathe from the shock! When at last she caught her breath she gasped, “No! United promised all attempts were covered, including three attempts at IVF!” “No,” the kind Money Minder said, “we’ve seen this happen over and over with Time Warner employees. What the United people mean is ‘all attempts at fertility are covered, including three procedures‘ – whether they be minor magic or major spells. I recognized this when I went to submit your IUI claim.  I wanted to ask you if you’d like to pay for this last minor magic yourself, in which case I will not submit this claim, and you’ll still have one Golden Egg in your basket. However, although we have not yet submitted the claim for the spell, we have already submitted the part of the claim for tadpole collection and preparation, so it may be too late to even reclaim this one Golden Egg.”

Suddenly, the whole world shifted for Princess Naive. A great despair and deep regret settled upon her heart. “If only we’d known,” she moaned, “we would’ve gone straight for the great magic!” She found it was much harder to not get her Happy Ending due to these circumstances than if they had stayed on the path they were on and done the three great spells, even if they didn’t get the Happy Ending they longed for. She felt great anger at herself for not pursing a better understanding of the rules of the royal coffers of United Insurance, especially when it seemed too good to be true to begin with. This was a bitter turn in their journey, and she began to feel things she had never felt before. Her heart soaked up the Dark Emotions as she felt all her fantasies about her Happy Ending slip through her fingers.  The Prince was helpless in the face of Princess Naive’s sorrow and despair, though he tried with all his might to comfort her. His heart broke as he saw that his efforts were in vain.

That night they shared dinner with the Princess’s mother, and Princess Naive was shocked to find that jealousy had also found its way into her heart. As she listened to her mother talk on and on about her wonderful nephews, she realized she may never share those same stories about her own children with her parents. She would never know the joy of seeing her parents love and cherish her children. Everywhere the Princess looked there were friends, acquaintances, celebrities and strangers announcing their pregnancies. How had she not noticed before? Why were the joys of others suddenly arrows to her heart? These things had never bothered her before!

Like a sudden and unexpected downpour, the epiphany came, and for the first time Princess Naive truly understood the words of her IF sisters. With great clarity, she recognized those emotions in herself. She was flabbergasted at the great naitivity she had until now, and she was sad to see that the easy hope of the early days was now forever gone from her heart. The emotions of her sisters were finally fathomed and shared. She felt the RAGE, the DESPAIR and the GRIEF as she faced the end of HOPE for her Happy Ending. She got it. She understood. She finally knew HOPELESSNESS.

After many days lost in the darkness of the Dark Emotions, The Princess began to remember what she had forgotten – The Great Wise Wizard, the wizard above all other wizards. She remembered that it was not the Womb Wizards, or their spells, or their potions, nor the great royal coffers of United that would make her Happy Ending come true. Happy Endings are a Gift from the Great Wise Wizard. She had not communed with the Great Wise Wizard for many days while the Dark Emotions governed her heart and her mind. So The Princess went to visit the Great Wise Wizard, and spent many hours sharing her dreams with Him, sharing her tears, and even sharing her Dark Emotions with Him. Her Prince and the Princess’s mother also shared in their conversations from time to time. It took many days and many conversations, but slowly and gingerly, the Princess began to feel ACCEPTANCE and even PEACE begin to grow again in her heart.  She began to realize that although the Great Wise Wizard may not want the same Happy Ending for the Prince and the Princess that they wanted for themselves, he did have a wonderful Happy Ending planned for them.  Although it was with more than a little bitterness, the Princess began to pray that the Great Wise Wizard would change her heart so that she would long for the Happy Ending He had planned for her and her Prince, so that her heart would again know great JOY, and great HOPE. 

It was true that the Princess would never be able to be Naive again. There is a pain in the deep depths of those Dark Emotions that are never forgotten, once they are allowed to rule the heart. If she was not careful and diligent they could always find a way to creep back in. The Princess was grateful that the Dark Emotions gave her the gift of true understanding and empathy with her IF sisters. She vowed to spend time every day in communion with the Great Wise Wizard, so that together they could battle the endless attempts of the Dark Emotions to take hold of her heart.  She strove to become Princess Acceptance.

The Great Wise Wizard began to guide the Princess through the maze of the royal coffers at United, ’til he lead her at last to a Fairy Godmother who worked deep within the maze. The Princess had spent many bitter days wandering the United maze before she began to seek the guideance of the Great Wise Wizard. But since she had abandoned HOPE, it wasn’t until she once again began to seek His counsel that He was finally able to lead her to the one who could offer her HOPE.  The Fairy Godmother felt that the Princess’s original understanding of the fertility coverage was in fact correct.  She offered to be the ambassador to the High Council of United on behalf of the Prince and Princess.  The Fairy Godmother felt that even if she wasn’t right about the coverage and she couldn’t get all three of the Golden Eggs back, she could at least bring back one Golden Egg.  And so the Fairy Godmother departed to seek audience with the High Council of United with promises to return soon with news of their ruling.

So now the Prince and the Princess wait. Wait to see if it will be the will of the Great Wise Wizard that the last minor spell of the Womb Wizards be successful. Wait to see if the Fairy Godmother will return with at least one Golden Egg, if not three, to buy them them the major magic spells of the Womb Wizards. And while waiting, they make certain to sit at the feet of the Great Wise Wizard every day, lest the Dark Emotions once again find a foothold in their hearts. They hope, they pray, and they wait to discover what their Happy Ending will be.

 

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16 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Kate
    Sep 14, 2009 @ 07:51:26

    Oh Stacey. This is so beautifully written, it brought a tear to my eye. What an incredible way to tell your story. You are amazing and strong to be surviving all of the twists and turns, and especially writing about it so that others can learn from you. You certainly opened my eyes to a big loophole in the insurance world that I need to look into. I’m so sorry for the way things have turned out. Fingers crossed for the next steps. Great attitude; hang in there!

    Reply

  2. Pie
    Sep 14, 2009 @ 08:49:55

    Oh no! I can’t believe those evil insurance people and their tricky wording. I’m hoping that this magic spell works for you guys.

    Reply

  3. Low Fat Lady
    Sep 14, 2009 @ 09:16:51

    This entry was written very nicely. I enjoyed reading it. I hope that you are able to figure out all the insurance stuff and get a chance or few chances at IVF. Insurance companies are so annoying.

    Reply

  4. Jenny Guttormson
    Sep 14, 2009 @ 09:47:02

    Oh Stacey – I’m so sorry to hear this! This is just one more example of why I believe that there is a special place reserved in Hades for insurance policy makers. 😉 Keep perservering and push to get all the help & hopefully coverage you need. I’ll keep you in my thoughts.

    Reply

  5. Lucy
    Sep 14, 2009 @ 10:00:57

    Such a pretty piece for such a sad story! So sorry!

    Insurance sucks–we knew we had IVF coverage from the start, but accessing it was another story…and they were telling us we HAD to do 6 IUIs first….it makes no sense! We should be able to seek the best medical treatment for our bodies, and insurance should HAVE to approve it!

    Reply

  6. lifebytheday
    Sep 14, 2009 @ 12:01:14

    Oh. My. God. I CAN’T believe they tricked (or even just confused) you like that! I’m praying that things will work out for you guys…

    Reply

  7. myndful
    Sep 14, 2009 @ 12:37:40

    That is such horrible news. I don’t even know what to say. I’m crying inside and out. Why can’t the insurance companies be more straightforward? Why do you have to get this news when it’s too late? As if IF isn’t unfair enough.

    But I am so proud and impressed with how you’re handling it. To already be at acceptance of whatever happens…I dream of getting there and finding that sense of peace. For me, it won’t come until I know the result. Will we or won’t we? But I so admire and envy your courage in beginning that process now.

    Naive though it may be, I am still keeping my fingers crossed for you. This isn’t over yet. But when it is, regardless of the outcome, you are clearly a strong and faithful woman who will take it in stride and make the best of it.

    Take care of yourself. And thank you for sharing the story. It was wonderfully creative and struck so many chords with me…

    Reply

  8. Michelle
    Sep 14, 2009 @ 12:39:22

    Not exactly the fairy tale you imagined as a child is it? I really hope that your original understanding of the insurance was correct. If not that is so horrible!

    Keeping fingers crossed for you and sending prayer the the Great Wize Wizard,

    Reply

  9. sunflowerchilde
    Sep 14, 2009 @ 13:41:44

    I’m so sorry! I was so angry reading your story (although it was fun to read in that form!). I hate our insurance system, and I think it’s even worse that it’s so complicated the average person can’t understand it. Good luck, I hope you get your one golden egg, but really, hopefully you get all three. Otherwise that is just too unfair.

    Reply

  10. maybeababy
    Sep 14, 2009 @ 17:39:08

    You are a fantastic writer. I am so hoping for you. Like others have said, this isn’t over yet. You are okay to feel any and all emotions. (Kate from twoweekwait)

    Reply

  11. katery
    Sep 14, 2009 @ 17:55:50

    oh my god, that is terrible. i hope they still let you do the three ivf attempts.

    Reply

  12. meinsideout
    Sep 14, 2009 @ 18:05:42

    I hope you get good news.

    Reply

  13. katie
    Sep 14, 2009 @ 19:07:41

    Stacey, you are such a beautiful writer. Don’t you just loathe those insurance people?! I really hope your Fairy Godmother can save the day!!

    Reply

  14. Christy W
    Sep 14, 2009 @ 21:07:24

    STACEY!
    I cannot believe your stupid insurance company!
    I cannot believe it!!!!!
    I love this story even though I hate the things that happen in it. You are an amazing writer. I just can’t wait until your happy ending. I hope it is coming really, really soon.
    Please keep us updated!!!!

    Reply

  15. Sweet Georgia
    Sep 15, 2009 @ 09:09:46

    What a fabulous story! You have a wonderful way with words. I hope your Fairy Godmother is able to bring you at least one of the golden eggs!

    Reply

  16. iamstacey
    Sep 16, 2009 @ 14:58:02

    Kate, I’m definitely not strong, but hearing from you helps boost me up! Thank you so much!

    Pie – I know, right?! I tried to figure out how to work the Wicked Witch of the West into the story as United, but couldn’t think hard enough. 😉 United is really more like the labyrinth in … well, Labyrinth, that David Bowie movie from the 80’s.

    Low-Fat Lady – ‘annoying’ is a very diplomatic way to put it. 🙂

    Jenny – I heard their level in Hades was below the used car salesmen and just above the molesters… 🙂

    Lucy – I thought of you the WHOLE time we’ve been going through this! The only way I think it could be worse is if I’d already done the drug therapy and made the eggs … oh yeah, that’s what happened to you! It’s so awful, you are my inspiration to keep fighting the army of United!

    Thank you so much for praying for us, LifeByTheDay. Every prayer counts!

    Oh, Myndful, I’m definitely not Princess Acceptance yet, not by a long shot. It’s so wierd, I don’t know where in the process I lost the acceptance I started with. I think it’s the day-to-day disappointments we have as we slog through the IF world that just kinda slowly drag us down. I’m gonna do my best not to go down again without a fight, though!

    Thanks so much for the prayers, Michelle! I’m hoping we were right from the start and this is just a huge, rather twisted, misunderstanding!

    Sunflowerchilde, thanks so much for reading and commenting! You’ve got so much on your own plate right now! I hope you’re feeling better and stronger. I can’t wait to hear how your IF journey goes!

    Thanks, TWW Kate! I’m beginning to realize that you’re right, it’s ok to feel those dark emotions! I’ve just gotta keep them in their place and not let them take over.

    Katery, I do too! Hopefully we’ll hear that good news soon!

    Thanks, MeInsideOut. I really do, too! I’m hanging onto some hope!

    I’m counting on our Fairy Godmother, too, Katie! Thanks for the good wishes, we need ’em!

    Thank you so much, Christy! Argh, with all you’re going through, you’re so sweet to send so much good energy my way. Thanks for being my cheerleader!

    I’m waitin’ for that egg, too, Sweet Georgia! Hopefully we’ll have it back in our basket soon!

    Reply

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