Last IVF Update
23 May 2012 2 Comments
I’m sorry this is so late. It’s just so hard to keep posting those losses over and over. On Monday the 14th I finally got some good news, if there’s such a thing as a silver lining to a miscarriage. My HCG was finally back to zero after lingering at 7 for a week. So I just barely avoided a methotrexate shot – a huge relief.
So now I’m just waiting for the next cycle, then we’re off on our last cycle, our last egg retrieval. We may get a frozen or two so there’s a chance for an FET after this, but this will be our last fresh cycle. I wish my period would come, I just want to jump right into it.
I’m still sad, hurt, confused. I really believe in my heart it’s God’s plan for us to have more children. I know I need to be patient and wait on His timing – and His plan for bringing those children into our lives. It’s just so hard going through the steps, to keep hoping and longing, to keep praying so hard when it seems it’s all in vain. I know my faith is small, I know He wants us to keep asking and praying. I know I’ll regain my faith and joy, I’m just sad right now. I find Christian music really soothing and comforting. I think sometimes when it’s hard for me to pray, music can help breach the gap until the words come back. I don’t even sing, I just listen, and it helps.
IVF Update
11 May 2012 3 Comments
In this round of the ‘ol IVF war, IVF is kickin’ my ass. I had a rough day on Tuesday. It was really hard to hear that the beta wasn’t going to go up, there wasn’t going to be a miracle for me or our baby, the battle was lost. By the time I got home, my head was spinning and hurting and I was hot and dizzy. When Troy got home he took over with Davie, and I went to bed at 7:30.
The long rest really helped. Up early the next morning to visit my endocrinologist, Dr. Bledsoe. My TSH had come back high, and I was afraid that might’ve been a big part of the miscarriage. But she said that my levels had been good right up ’til the positive HCG, and it was mostly likely the shift in hormones due to the HCG that caused my TSH to go up. So she upped my dose, and next time we go thru IVF, if I get a BFP I’m to take an extra Synthroid tablet immediately and go in for a TSH test the same day. In the meantime, she’s going to monitor me more closely until we get through the next IVF cycle.
Wednesday and Thursday were super busy and just flew by. I was going to go to the Resolve General Infertility Support Group Thursday night, but Troy had plans I had forgotten about so I stayed home with Davie. Some IF sister-love would’ve been great, but Davie and I had so much fun! Troy was at an orientation class to join a private shooting club. The members do a lot with the Boy Scouts and just general shooting practice. I’m glad he’ll have other guys to gush about guns to and not just me! I enjoy shooting, but I’m not near as into it as poor hubby.
Today has been rough. I feel like my blood pressure is up, like there’s a huge balloon about to pop behind my eyes. Headachy, tired, worn down. They ran an HCG again this morning. I secretly had the lab fax me a copy of the results, which are … wait for it … SEVEN. AGAIN. I haven’t heard from Dr. Silverberg’s office but hopefully they’ll call me soon! I’ve started spotting again. I don’t know what’s going on. Am I going to end up needing a D&C? A shot of methotrexate? I really don’t want either of those options.
I want this chapter to be over so I can move on to the next one. Try again. Regain hope. I want to understand the lesson I’m supposed to learn from all this; I want to be able to look back and see why God is closing this door so painfully and slowly; I want to know what wonderful new experience this heartache will lead to in the end. Like all of us, I want to skip ahead to the good parts.
IVF Update
08 May 2012 9 Comments
I’m still waiting for the results of today’s HCG. I did an HPT this morning and it was still faintly positive, so that pretty much told me nothing! Or that nothing has really changed, anyways. The IVF on-call nurse Pam said that in all her years at Texas Fertility, she’d only seen one HCG of 8 turn into a viable pregnancy.
I did do two things that felt encouraging and pro-active. I wrote my IVF nurse Jamie and asked her about what Dr. Silverberg would recommend we do next. We have one embryo on ice, but I wouldn’t want to pay for an FET out-of-pocket for just one embryo when we still have an egg retrieval left that insurance will pay for. So I asked her if Silverberg would rather us go forward with our last IVF immediately, or would he rather we wait ’til next March? If we wait ’til March, we’ll have the money saved up to pay for the embryo transfer up front (without using credit cards), and it’ll give me the chance to lose as much weight as possible. Jamie took the email to him and came back with an answer this morning: he would rather we went forward with a fresh cycle immediately. It helps to have a plan, a direction to go in.
Next, I called Michelle at Austin IVF to go over prices. Insurance will pay for the egg retrieval, but we will have to pay for the embryo transfer out-of-pocket. It turns out, it’s not going to be as crazy as we thought! The cost we’ll pay will be: to Texas Fertility (Dr. Silverberg) $510, to Austin IVF (embryology lab) we’ll pay $220, and for use of the operating suite at St. David’s Women’s surgical center, we’ll pay $620. That comes to a total of $1, 350. Far more manageable than I thought it would be!
We have to pay Austin IVF up front and be re-imbursed later. Their cost is about $5200, and we have $3000 to put towards that. They’ve offered to go ahead and bill insurance for the rest, and will refund us the $3000 after they get their full re-imbursement. So eventually, even after we pay the $1,350, we’ll still come out ahead!
Lots of good news to cheer me up! 
And, we’re in a similar situation to how we got Davie – we had our first IVF, got pregnant but miscarried almost immediately, then got pregnant on the very next try (an IUI)! So maybe we can re-create the same events and lightning will strike twice.
I did do one more thing – I RVSP’d to the Resolve General Infertility support group meeting this Thursday. I’m hoping Mom and Troy won’t mind watching Davie so I can go. I think it will help to surround myself with some sisters, ya know?
So … still waiting. I’ve got the hymn, “Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus” stuck in my head. “Jesus, Jesus, how I trust thee; How I’ve proved Him over and over; ‘Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus; Oh, for grace to trust Him more.” Lord, please send me more grace! I’m sorry my faith is so weak.
Edited to add: My HCG came back at exactly 7 again. Dr. Silverberg felt it was highly unlikely it would be exactly the same number twice, so he has asked the lab to repeat the test. In any case, it didn’t go any higher, so I think it’s ok to let go of hope. For now they want me to continue the meds and repeat the HCG in a few days. Hopefully (there’s “hope” again 
) the HCG will be back to zero before my next cycle so we can start the next round of IVF.
IVF Update
06 May 2012 6 Comments
Beta today was 7. Retest on Tuesday before we officially call it over. Yet I still keep clinging stubbornly to hope.
IVF Update
06 May 2012 7 Comments
For the past four days I’ve had the hymn “Great Is Thy Faithfulness” stuck in my head. Especially the verse that says, “Strength for today, and bright hope for tomorrow; blessings all mine, and ten thousand besides.” The song sounded like a promise, I wanted to take it as a sign from the Lord, but I’ve had so much bleeding, I’m ashamed to say it shook my faith and hope.
I took an HPT this morning. I see a faint line. It’s so faint.
I had my blood drawn and sent to the lab. I’m holding my breath for results. The line is so faint … I’m afraid it’s a chemical … I need numbers. Why in the face of evidence of His faithfulness am I still so weak, so afraid to hope?
IVF Update
05 May 2012 Leave a Comment
I stopped bleeding Friday and that gave me hope. I did an HPT Saturday morning and it was negative, and that crushed me. I know it’s a day early but it’s just a day. Then, about 9am Saturday morning, I went to pee and I gushed bright red blood. I bled heavily for about 4-5 hours. Now it’s just light spotting again. It makes no sense.
Tomorrow morning is test time.
Random Pics from the Past Three Months
05 May 2012 4 Comments
My first target from my first time to go to Sure Shots
I’ve gotten better, I promise!
Me at work.
look at that tongue sticking out in concentration
I took an old picture frame from the trash and dressed it up!
I painted this one and added bling
My brother recieved an award for bravery. I’m so proud of him!
Davie always has to push the cart when shopping – or there WILL be screaming! She hates to stop, too, so I have to make decisions really fast! Or just know exactly what I want going in! Or better yet, leave her at home with Daddy!
Cutest! Ponytail! Ever!
Rockin’ pink cowboy boots from Grandma Marilyn
I wanna be just like cousin Cayle
Overwhelming sweetness
Rockin’ my baby. She goes with me everywhere.
CUTEST! PIGTAILS! EVER!!!
My brother Chris hates giant bows on babies. Heh, heh, heh. (fortunately, Kinley can rock a giant bow 
)
traumatizing Chris one giant pink bow at a time
Never leave a soda unattended. If you do, YOU have to stay up all night with her.
A couple Sundays ago we went with friends Melissa and Aaron to eat at the food trailers in south Austin. We started at Mrs. P’s Electric Cock, which makes AMAZING fried chicken with waffles and mac ‘n cheese that is out of this world. But tragically, we got there too late and a biker club had bought up all the last of the chicken! So we ate at a burger joint called PopDaddy’s that was delicious! Then we headed over to another trailer that specializes in gourmet doughnuts called Gordoughs. I had the most amazing donut of my life there, the Flying Pig. It’s a giant donut with maple-syrup icing covered in BACON!! It sounds awful but it was sooooo good! We also had a birthday cake donut, which is dipped in yellow cake mix with chocolate icing. Davie loved it!
Davie loved dancing on the picnic table. I’d insert a pole-dancing joke here, but Troy didn’t think they were funny.
Super Why is our favorite cartoon!
Chris learning to use the Moby wrap. I find this pic vaguely disturbing.
Nice man-nip, bro
she only looks innocent – she just stole a ziploc from the trash
plotting how to get back in the trash can
you thought I was kidding!
First baseball game with friend Melissa. My whole office went – one of our special needs patients sang the national anthem. It was also take-your-dog night. We had a blast!
You have popcorn. I like you.
Nana strikes again with the matching outfits
We’re still fostering cats for Austin Pets Alive. Luna is such a sweet, pretty kitty! She came to us with a huge bite on her back leg and one shoulder. She’s healed now and her fur is growing back in. And she’s had three perfect little tuxedo kittens that look just like our kitty, Moo! (Moo is fixed, though, I promise.)
Are you sure you didn’t know Moo before you came here?
The night before the egg retrieval our old freezer died! While I was sleeping off the anesthetic after the retrieval, Marilyn and Troy went out and bought us a new one at Lowe’s – and got 30% off! We’re so lucky we did, ’cause I’ve built up quite a stash of freezer foods since I started couponing!
Fun with Pop!
Hah! Got you back!
Finally got Dude tucked in just right (with Kinley’s blanket)
My little Fashionista
Billy Goat
05 May 2012 2 Comments
Davie Ann has decided she Must Climb Everything. It’s nerve-wracking. And exhausting.
I can balance on this footstool AND gag myself at the same time!
Seriously, WHY are we taking time to snap pictures before we make her get down???
Easter 2012
05 May 2012 Leave a Comment
The whole family made it to my folks for the Easter weekend. Chris and JoAnn even brought her parents! We were so happy to all be together.
Davie had a blast but wasn’t really sure what was going on. My nephew Andon did a practice run with her the day before the big Easter Egg hunt at my dad’s church. As he would search for the next egg, she would sneak eggs back out of the basket and throw them back in the yard. I don’t think I’ve ever seen poor Andon so frustrated. It was so funny!
At first when she’d find an egg, she would point, squeal and do a little dance. Then she was over it and ready to go on to something else! When we got her to start picking up the eggs, then she’d throw them like a ball. Finally we got the whole “put-them-in-the-bucket” thing down.
Sorry these are so big. Thought I did a better job cropping them. After all that hunting, Baby Girl was wiped out!
Nana even bought new matching Easter p.j.’s for the girls!
Dude, there are totally bunnies on my feet!
Dude! There are totally bunnies on your feet, too!
Yay! Dancing Bunny Feet!
The next day, we tried the whole egg hunt thing again in Nana and Pop’s back yard.
Unfortunately, she figured out the fastest way to the candy was by stepping on the eggs instead of putting them in her basket.
So that’s what’s inside of an egg!
Yay! Smarties hatch from eggs! Score!
Troy and Andon were wrestling on the couch and Andon’s head somehow busted open Troy’s lip. I warned him not to post the pic on FaceBook but he didn’t listen. He’s been tormented at work as the guy-who-got-beat-up-by-a-five-year-old ever since.
Since Chris and JoAnn had her parents in their car, we stuffed the nephews in our car on the way home. Unfortunately, the dogs did not give up their seat very willingly.
Dobby farted! Noooooooooooooooo!
stop waving it over this way!
The Honda Element only has windows that open in the front … so Troy and I were fine.
March 2, 2012
05 May 2012 Leave a Comment
Baby Girl turned ONE YEAR OLD!! It doesn’t seem possible. We had family over and grilled burgers and had a blast. I filled the house with pink balloons and streamers. Pop hung the streamers and Grandma Marilyn made the giant pink poofs and Cayle and Andon stuck up pink “I’m One!” cardboard cutouts all over the house. (in fact, there’s still a pink #1 on one wall and a pink daisy on another wall I keep forgetting to take down.) Davie wore a giant, adorable pink tutu, and once again refused to touch any of her cupcakes, which I made and decorated. Days later we found out Troy’s family was upset with us ’cause they felt like my folks hogged all of Davie’s attention. Which just makes us grin, ’cause how lucky are we that we have family fighting over who gets to love on Davie the most?
Poofy Pink Princess
our party animal
The day before her birthday we got her one-year pictures taken. The red and blue dress was my first dress that my mom saved up for and bought for me. She saved it all these years!
Wearing my first dress
Three generations of Harlans
Troy, Marilyn and Davie Ann
