More Up than Down

21 Mar 2010 24 Comments

by iamstacey in Uncategorized

I’m still sad, it’s still hard.  But it’s more happy than sad now.  Every now and then I run across another tube of Crinone in the bathroom, or push aside the milk in the fridge and find my half-finished pen of Gonal F, and a wave of sad flows back in.  The hardest was taking the envelope out of my bag that I’ve been carrying with me for the last three weeks.  I opened the envelope and took out the picture of my three beautiful embryos, and had a good long cry.  Then I tucked it away in my IVF folder.  The babies that almost were.

I haven’t prayed much, but I will.  I think He doesn’t mind if I take a moment to get my breath back.  He may not have given me the answer that I wanted, but I know He has the comfort I need, and He’s ready when I am.

Today was a good day.  I got a lot of sleep.  It was really cool out, but there was a lot of good, bright sunshine.  We opened windows and let fresh air blow through the house.  Weeding in the garden made me feel productive.  We have a new foster kitty, the sweetest little six month old boy with two broken back legs.  He just loves and snuggles with us.  Tomorrow we’ll drop him off at the vet for x-rays and more permanent bandages.  The shelter named him Ricardo but it doesn’t fit him at all, so I’ve been calling him LoveBug.

Troy hates the bedspread I get out in the winter ’cause it’s “too noisy” - not the pattern, it’s all one color – but the actual fabric is shiny and it makes a sound when he moves, which he doesn’t like.  I think it’s beautiful, though, so it comes out every November!   But today, I felt ready for a new, brighter look.  Last year a Dillards closed at the Highland Mall in Austin, and I got a fun sunny yellow paisly duvet and shams set that was originally $80 for only $14!  It’s in the wash now but I’ll get a pic of it tomorrow.  I had stored it away with a bunch of other blankets in a plastic case in the garage.  I drug the whole case in so I could unpack the one I wanted and pack up the winter stuff.   Moo jumped right in to help out:

Then he hopped up on the entertainment center to recharge.

Troy was so glad to see a new bedspread, he didn’t even complain when I asked him to help flip the mattress and put on the new dust ruffle!   We watched “Law Abiding Citizen” (it was ok but Gerard was much prettier in 300) and the new series from Tom Hanks and Steven Spielberg, “The Pacific“  (excellent!).  Troy grilled hot dogs for dinner and I made a sour cream coffee cake.  It was a really good day.

I feel like I’m getting a fresh start on a new week.  I think I’m ready.